1. How long have you been banded? 8 months, 1 week, 5 days.
2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 270/196/74
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? crabcakes, hummus, egg whites.
4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? I despise protein shakes, never touch em.
5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band? Fresh chewy Montreal bagels, burgers with buns.
6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Soft boiled/poached eggs, matzo ball soup.
7. What was your worst PB experience? PB-ing all over myself in the car in rushhour traffic on my way to meet a friend - without being sure I had something else to wear. Luckily I am so messy and constantly have clothes sitting in my car!
8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Being patient with my sometimes slower losses, learning not to give up when the going gets tough.
9. What is your best NSV to date? Buying jeans from companies like Hudson, Joe's and Citizens of Humanity was really exciting. Also the attention I'm getting from guys is amazing.
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band? (top NSV maybe?) To wear a bikini! This won't happen till after the Tummy Tuck I'm sure.
11. What is your goal weight or size? My current goal is 170, that's what I'm hoping to get to before having a tummy tuck... I'd love to ulimately get under 160, and be a size 8. I would have originally said 10, but I'm pretty much a 12 in a lot of things right now... woah! so 8, but 10 if it's tight in the boobies haha.
12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? Exercise at least 1hour/day, no pasta or rice.
13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? I drink soda. And alcohol. Oops!
14. What is your goal "reward"? Tummy tuck at 170... And maybe a trip? Hmm. Some bling for sure.
15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? I'm just so grateful to have found something that helped me find the strength within myself to lose this weight, and to have such an amazing warm and spirited community of bandsters to learn from and teach. Love you all!
I'm so predictable...
Happy scales = happy Angie.
Unhappy scales = unhappy Angie.
We've determined this. I've commented on it from both sides of the ring.
I am up ridiculously early this morning as I'm working at 6:30, and was at work till 8:30. I probably haven't digested my dinner. But when I got on the scale this morning, it said 197.8.
That is practically 200 again. That is insane. It actually said 190.4 but it was against the cabinet and does that sometimes. BAHHHH. I am so frustrated. These 10lbs seemed like they were being conquered, and then to be up? This much? And I really don't know what I'm doing wrong this time.
I am going to Montreal to be with family for the night, but I think I might follow Brooke's lead and do the five-day pouch test, just to get myself back on track. Because this track is not acceptable to me.
xox
ange
Thank you, Band.
Today I worked for a loooong time, and realized around 5pm I would soon be leaving - and had nothing really good to eat. And started to feel pretty sorry for myself. Alone, on Thanksgiving. Sure, I'm Canadian, but everyone else is with people, and I'm home alone. I'm over it, so don't worry about feeling bad.
But I came home, and I just started to prepare an old school Angie binge. Turkey hot dogs. Yes plural. As if I could eat more than one. Not one but two quesadillas. Handfulls of cheese. I am losing my shit.
Luckily I have a band to stop me. I think I might be done pb/puking/feeling like death. I only got through 1.5 hot dogs and a quarter quesadilla. I feel awful. I am so grateful that my band has some of the strength for me right now.
Ugh. Back to the bathroom!
Finally an update!
Hi everybody,
First of all, thank you for all the amazing responses that continue to come in from my last post. I knew other people would probably be able to relate to what I was saying, but to hear it from so many and learn of so many people's experiences is what blogging is all about - being part of a community.
I was missing in action for so long because I had to go to Montreal where my grandmother lives. She's quite ill, I don't feel like explaining it all, but she'll be OK and is doing better now, but before this weekend it looked pretty touch and go. I was very worried I'd have gained weight from being in Montreal, but because I had been doing the 195.5-197 fluctuation forEVER, I managed to stay in that range.
It was really really good to get back to routine though, and back to the gym! I felt so amazing after having worked out yesterday! And my weight is down - for real! Yesterday the scale said 195.0, and today it is 194.0 193.2! Woo! I am not sure if it will last, but I'm taking it!
My weight's all a little confused right now because I have my period for the second time in as many weeks because in my days in between there was a little latex incident and I had to get some Plan B. Bah! But at least it's going down, I'm hoping it's not a false new low!
Hope everyone's doing great too...
xox
Ange
The Skinny on Weight-Loss, Men and Promiscuity
HEY ALL! Sorry I've been M.I.A., life's been crazy. I'll update ya soon, but here's a post I worked on for a while, requested by Brooke.
At my highest weight, finding a guy to date or even just fool around with was somewhat of a struggle. I learned at one point that I loved having male best friends. We had everything in common, and we’d always revel in how we could keep it from “getting weird.” Then we’d let it. We’d make out once, soon start sleeping together. In one case it turned into a relationship, in another it was kept a secret, another ruined a friendship completely. I realized that this modus operandi wasn’t working for me - my M.O. was only causing me to lose friends and feel bad about myself - because almost never did these attractive fit guys want to be public about what we had going. That was really rough.
Fast forward to June 2009. About 40-45lbs down from my highest weight, I am still by no means slim but the thing that has changed the most about me is confidence. I go to Whistler to visit friends, an old flame happens to live there as well. In the past I was not able to even hang out with him - so nervous about what he’d think of my weight gain, that he wouldn’t wanna hook up, that I’d get over-involved and emotionally attached. My close friend who lives there was also worried about me too, she didn’t want me to get hurt. I met up with him anyways. It was awesome. Not just the physical - but that was awesome, hehe, but the emotional, the power I felt, the confidence. We had fun, we hung out, we said good-bye, and I was fine. I was more than fine. I felt empowered. I was kind of hooked.
I moved to Stowe, and got lots of positive feedback from a lot of people who hadn’t seen me since Christmas when I had been at my heaviest. A good male friend told me how proud he was of me. I found I wasn’t yet getting more attention from people I knew, but when i’d meet new men, I found that more, if not all, paid attention.
I hooked up with a pretty solid number of guys over the summer. It has been one of my biggest challenges to disconnect the feeling of obligation to seize any opportunity that comes up with men. For so long, it would be so long between finding partners that I would jump on any opportunity that came my way. This summer, they came pretty frequently. OY. No pun intended!
This fall has been an amazing time in my life when it comes to feeling confident and self-actualized. It is also the time when my weight got to a low enough point that the world started taking notice.
Taxi drivers hit on me. I can make a creepy old bartender serve me faster. I get asked to dance by randoms at the bars sometimes. I am still by no means thin, but I’m down into that “normal category.” And although that is mostly a good thing - the two guys I’ve been seeing most recently have no complaints about me or my body, it does prove difficult in one respect.
I am competing with the skinny girls now. And that is some STIFF competition. I met a guy recently who I have hit it off with amazingly. He’s the type of guy who I’d love to date not just hook up with. He’s attractive, he’s fit, he’s funny, he’s sweet... I adore this boy as a friend for sure, but I’ve been feeling like it could be more. I actually met him at my birthday party- he actually hooked up with someone else that night. But we’ve hung out (in groups) since then, we’ve started texting, and although I know it’s going well - I am racked by SO much self-doubt. I can only speak to what I’ve seen and what I’ve heard but this is a guy who goes for the hottest girls out there and gets them. I might be pretty, and I might be smaller than I once was, but I have a lot more poundage to lose before I can put myself in that category. And it is rough. And it’s rough that when I try to explain this to people they tell me to be nicer to myself and all that. I’m sorry. I wish I could. But this is the real world. I don’t want to hook up with or date people I’m not attracted to, or, to be honest, who I find less attractive than myself. Why should I expect him to do the same?
So as you can tell, although I am enjoying the changes, and certainly the attention and the options - being a semi big girl is in a way almost more confusing than being a big girl. When I was with a man who dug me at 250+ lbs, I knew that my weight was a non-issue. He knew I was big and he liked me anyways or for it. At 195 it’s a lot harder to tell. Does he like my personality but not my body? My face but not my core? My boobs but not my stomach? Is he worried about his friends giving him shit? Oy. No one has ever accused me of under-thinking these things.
So I hope this gave a good perspective. I’d love to answer any questions anyone has had - at this point I’m pretty sure I’ve written a thousand words, if only research papers flowed so easily.
xoxo
Angie
I get so proud when
the lapband commercials come on tv!
I'm watching Tough Love on VH1. I didn't watch the first season, but the premise is pretty much this guy is a the son of a matchmaker and "gets" women. There are eight women who have issues that are hurdles in relationships. I could very well end up hating this show, but for now I'm intrigued.
Especially because one of them women's "issue" is that she has body image issues - she used to weigh 220lbs and has lost a lot and doesn't know how to deal with the attention without getting needy... or err slutty. If you're me. I know this isn't all of your experience, but it's definitely been mine, so I'm interested in her journey for sure.
Has anyone watched before, is anyone watching now?
Plus or Not?!
Hi Ladies,
As anyone who's read my blog for a while knows, I LOVE to shop! I love clothes, I love accessories, I love retail therapy. I've bought myself a bunch of new jeans lately, some cute plaid shirts and tees to wear to classes, etc. I do find I'm really lacking in tops to wear out to the bar, it's just hard to find that stuff because a lot of things without stretch my boobs are still big for... and it's fricken annoying!
I've also started looking for a dress to wear to our work Holiday party which is December 9th. I've got some ideas as to what I want - shape wise - something high-waisted, because I can kind of make my problem area disapear in the right shape, and colour-wise - something silvery or purple-y I think. I've tried on a couple of dresses and some have been OK - but so many I feel so in between sizes. I think if it weren't for my belly I'd probably be like an 8 in the legs, I'm a 12 in the waist, a 14 in most tops, but a 16 in anything tight in the bust... With thin little arms! Oy. So disproportionate.
Anyways I was on Nordstrom.com and saw this gorgeous dress at half off and I want it but it's only in some bigger sizes... So anyone hanging around 22 or 20 check it out!
Thanks for the Support...
I wonder if that burst of calories was what I needed to get me back into losing mode. I have been exercising so so much, and maybe the extra calories in real foods- as opposed to Cheez-Its and Apple Cider were what I needed. I think I may not be normally getting enough calories, so I really need to start journaling and getting a better understanding on that.
One difference I did notice was I had NO appetite yesterday. I made myself eat a yogurt after the gym, a handful of nuts and dried fruit around 1, and then ate a small dinner at my aunt's at 8. And I wasn't even thinking about food. That could also have to do with my lady status... When I'm PMS-ing I could eat a horse, once my period arrives my appetite does tend to decrease pretty dramatically.
Well again, THANK YOU to all your sweet comments... I guess I could stand to cut loose a bit sometimes, and know it won't kill me.
xox
Angie
This is my confession
I originally just sent Amy a message about this, because I didn't think I could share it with everyone. But then I remembered how it's important for everyone to get the good and the bad. And I thought I'd share.
Last night I went out for dinner with one of my closest friends in Stowe, S. We actually had a glass of wine at her apt before we left and indulged in other things that make you even hungrier. We went out for a reallly nice dinner - she doesn't know I'm banded so I was pretty nervous about how it'd go, when / if I'd get stuck, etc. I ordered apple-sausage bread pudding to start because the server said it was amazing and it sounded soft, and then a beef dish for my main.
Because we're good friends with the chef and maitre d, we were comped a bottle of wine (which meant S's bf was gonna be picking us up!) and treated like royalty all night - we were served TWO EXTRA COURSES. The first was pate which I had never really tried but figured I had to and it was actually pretty good... And the second was goat cheese fondue. I DIED IT WAS SOOO GOOD.
Everything was delicious. And I don't know whether it was the wine sips pushing things down or the chew chewing but I never got stuck or over-full till right at the end. Which kind of freaked me out. Seemed like I got out home free.
Then I went to bed. It's my t.o.t.m. right now, and so I had the worst cramps and gas pains and stomach ache all night long, had to get up a million times to use the bathroom, had to take Gas-X, have no interest in ever eating again... Am feeling very sorry for my poor little stomach pouch.
I'm gonna treat her and me very nicely in the next few days... And take responsibility for the weight gain I'm sure might ensue from last night's binge.
The weirdest/hardest part was my friend was like I'm so proud of you for eating, you know you don't always have to be on, blah blah... Which would be true if I didn't have the band. Who knows. It's a new day and I'm back on track.
xx
What Do You Eat?
I find myself at a loss a lot of the time about what food to put in my sweet little belly. It can't take much - though it can take entire boxes of Cheez-It's it would seem. I'm just curious as to what everyone's magic foods are, the ones they can eat all the time, know they can count on, etc. I'll share some of mine too.
- Hummus. I love hummus, it is protein-packed, delicious, not at all bland, and pretty healthy.
- 1/4 c which is quite a lot is about 110cals, depending on the brand.
- Corn Tortillas - I can barely eat much bread, pita never works, but toast me a corn tortilla till it's completely crispy and I'm a happy lady - perfect to eat with my hummus!
- 1 small corn tortilla from my favourite brand, Ricardo and Maria's is only 75 cals and .75g of fat!
- Corned-beef hash. It isn't the healthiest food option out there, but it's one of my favourite things to go eat after a huge workout at the gym. At my breakfast place I'll often order 1 poached egg on top of a side of their hash and I feel SO fueled and protein packed!
- A half-cup of hash comes to about 225 cals and a scary amount of fat- so I don't do it often, but it goes down so well and fills me up that I doubt I even consume a half cups worth.
- Fried egg whites. Plain. sometimes with ketchup. Could my life be blander.
- Activia! I eat it every morning. Keeps everything happy. Do it!
- Fat-free is 90 cals I think, regular about 110.
xox
ange
Plateau... Finally Busted!
I've been SO on point this week, really eating true meals, trying my very hardest not to get to the PB moment (it still happened once but it was on a food that has never given me trouble before.) I have been excersing up a storm- yesterday I did half an hour of spinning and then an hour of dance... But this morning may well KILL me - half hour spin, hour of dance, fifteen minutes of abs and half an hour of weights and lifting... I asked my trainer to bust me out of this and she is like WOAH!
I'm down to 195.8 right now... Normally I'd be worried I won't see that number again tomorrow, but I think that with the working out I have planned I should be just fine.
xoxo
ange
Traveling Pants... and Jeans, and Dresses and Tops!
Who wants to go shopping in my closet?
I have a couple items of clothing to give away!
This Dress is a size XL from Mossimo by Target. The top is stretchy cotton, the bottom is linen, the waistband is stretchy. It's definitely a bit more lightweight/summery, but would look cute with tights and a cardi.
This top is Rachel Pally, SO pretty, and never worn, it was always a bit funny on me. It's thigh length on me, so cute with leggings or pants, it's got a tie around the neck thing. It just doesn't fit that well into my wardrobe, but probably would be a nice work thing.
These are size 14 from American Eagle, never worn. I bought them on sale and then never wore them and then I tried them a few weeks ago and they're too big. They've got cute ribbon detailing on the cargo pockets and a gather at the bottom.
These jeans have been awesome for me, I've worn them SO much over the past few months. They're also American Eagle size 14, stretchy, the style is called slim boot, so they're slimmer through the leg with a slight boot cut. I'm kind of sad to part with them, but they fall off, so alas I must.
These jeans are size 14 from Old Navy, dark denim in a style called The Sweetheart. They're a light boot-cut, almost straightlegged, they're definitely tuck-able into boots. They're stretch and pretty comfy.
So any of these are free to a good home - just claim em either by commenting or emailing me, if you have any questions just let me know!
xox
ange
Statcounter
A lot of you have asked how I know things like people googled cheesy poof pic and found my blog... And how I know how many people read me, where from, etc. Here is is, easy!
3. After that it's easy and fun to explore - there's a map to show you where all your visitors come from,
And then there's "search engine wars" and keyword summary which tells you what search engines people put search terms in to find you!
Hope that explained everything! Let me know if you have questions!
TOO FUNNY!
So I was checking out my stats... and apparently not one, not two, but THREE people found my blog by googling "Cheesy Poof Pic!!!!"
A Getting To Know Me post...
Hi loves! I've noticed I have a whole lot of followers now, and I'm slowly but surely reading all your blogs and catching up on your stories. I know if anyone were to find me now, it'd be a loooooot of backreading to do, so I thought I'd follow suit like so many others and post a bit of a bio blog. I'm kinda stealing one of those survey email things and interjecting bandster bits... well without further ado:
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
A
- Age: 24
- Annoyance: not getting to finish foods I'm enjoying, snoring!
- Animal: baby giraffe. yes I'm serious. No I'm not four years old.
- Actor: I adore Ethan Hawke
B
- Beer: I like Tuborg
- Birthday/Birthplace:October 29th, 85 @ Mount Sinai Hospital, Toronto
- Body Part on opposite sex: Shoulders and eyes.
- Been in Love: I have thought I was, but wonder now.
- Been bitched at: Haven't we all...
- Believe in yourself?: I try my best to. If you don't believe in yourself, why should anyone else. The lapband process has made me believe in myself more than I ever thought I could.
- Believe in God: I do, not perhaps in the most traditional sense, but I do in a higher power.
-Before weight: 269lbs at consultation
C
- Car: 2004 Grey (though I like to call it silver) Subaru Forester
- Candy: I used to love gummies but can't get them down anymore!
- Colour: Purple
- Cried in school: yes
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate
- Chinese/Mexican: Oh both, please! Mexican if I had to choose, easier to get down
- Cake or pie: pie!
- Country to visit: Favourite so far was either France or New Zealand...
D
- Day or Night: I really like both, but probably night... Now that the sun goes down at 4:30pm I might as well embrace it!
- Danced: Ballet Jazz and Tap as a kiddo, Phusia on a daily basis now!
- Do the splits?: I wish. Not flexible enough.
- Eggs: poached. or fried egg whites. Mmm.
- Eyes: Hazel
F
- First crush: a boy I went to pre-school with... I still know him, and he's still cute!
- First thoughts waking up: I better weigh less today!
- Food: before the band: cheeseburgers and sushi rolls, now: crabcakes!
G
- Greatest Fear: having regrets, so i do whatever i can to avoid that, and i endeavour to live life to the fullest. i do not want to wake up one day and ask myself what happened to my life.
- Goals: be a good person, be happy, be healthy, and feel accomplished.
- Get along with your parents?: yes
- Good luck charm: the ring my parents gave me for high school grad... Haven't taken it off since, and it's getting so loose!
H
- Hair Colour: Light brown natural, golden-y highlights
- Height: 5'8
- Happy: yes i am
- Holiday: halloween
- Health freak?: In certain ways... I am pretty much addicted to my workouts!
- Hate: Plateaus, my work computer
I
- Ice Cream: I've got to be a good Vermonter and say Ben and Jerry's!
- Instrument: I am SO not musical... I was awful at the recorder!
J
- Jewellery: I always wear the gold ring I mentioned... other than that, I love anything chunky, gold, or homemade!
- Job: Full time student, right now at Community College of Vermont, soon to be majoring in Hospitality Management at Champlain College, and part-time Spa Experience Coordinator at Topnotch Resort, which my family owns.
K
- Kids: one day I hope! For now I'm obsessed with my nephew Tyler and cousin Rachel's kids Violet, Jake and Sam
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing I suppose...
- Keep a journal? Yup, and you're reading it!
L
- Longest Car Ride: I did a couple of 18 hour rides in Australia.
- Love: Something there isn't enough of in this world.
- Laughed so hard you cried: many times.
- Love at first sight: I don't think so... Not yet at least.
M
- Milk flavour: just regular skim
- Movie: Say Anything
- Mooned anyone?: Yes. I am a bit crazy!
- Marriage: One day
- Motion sickness? Nope
- McD’s or BK: McD's
N
- Number of Siblings: 2 big brothers, one amazing S-I-L.
- Number of Piercings: just one in each ear... used to have my nose!
- Number: 8
O
- One wish: Just to be happy in life and without regrets... and to get to goal!
P
- Place you’d like to live: Vermont is pretty much living the dream...
- Perfect Pizza: my favourite is from a restaurant called Piecasso - spinach, onions, garlic, and lots of cheese on whole wheat. Mmm.
- Pepsi/Coke: Diet whatever
Q
- Questionaires: Are really helping the boring work hours pass.
R
- Reason to cry: I don't need much of a good one!
- Reality T.V.: I'm kind of addicted!
- Roll your tongue in a circle? Yep
S
- Song: I have so many... Of all time might be Wild Horses by the Stones, Say Goodbye by DMB...
- Shoe size: 8.5 or 9
- Salad Dressing: homemade honey mustard vinaigrette
- Skipped school: more often than I should
- Smoking: again, more often than I should
- Sing well?: nope, but that doesn't stop me from trying!
- Strawberries/Blueberries: both... I was OBSESSED with blueberries this summer.
T
- Time for bed: working out is so good for me, it makes me sleep so much more. Around midnight is good for me.
- Thunderstorms: beautiful, but scare me a bit.
- TV: I watch a lot less now that I'm in school and more socially active, and I consider that a good thing!
U
- Unpredictable: people, my weight, life.
V
- Vegetable you hate: olives and mushrooms
- Vegetable you love: Mm so many - green beans, avocados, tomatoes, asparagus, carrots
- Vacation spot: St. Martin was pretty amazing!
W
- Weakness: mean boys and melted cheese
- When you grow up: managing director of a resort/hotel
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Claudia for sure!
- Wanted to be a model?: I harboured plus-size model dreams until I realized I'm too short... and now too scarred.
X
-X-Rays: quite a few, quite a few breaks, a lot more sprains!.
Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: mellow
Z
- Zoo: i love going!
- Zodiac sign: Scorpio
So that was long and vaguely redic! A prize to whoever read the whole thing... At least work is almost done now!
xox
angie
More Birthday/Halloween Pics
Yay birthday pictures! Here I am with my friends Brooke and Nicole
The restaurant we ate at, Hen of the Wood is incredible, all local and delicious - we did a course of entirely Vermont cheeses, so so good.
Here's me and my friend Kyrie. Just friend.
This one is totally silly, but I just loved how angular my jaw looked. What double chins?!
Now it's time for Halloween. A warning... We dressed... Just a little big scandalously for this one. I tried to choose tame pictures. Don't say you weren't warned!
Me with Nicole and Brooke - an Army Girl, a Sailor and a Cave-Woman!
I invented fire. Look cellulite free and muscular! Yay!
We like to dance on tables.
Brooke sandwhich! Me between two very lovely ladies!
A Plateau....
ME. I have a solid amount of restriction. That’s not the problem. Much more, and I wouldn’t be able to eat real meals. So what are my issues? Snacking. Drinking. Eating sliders to avoid getting stuck when out.
Another one is I think I’m kind of comfortable at this weight. No, it’s not perfect, but I think my body is pretty comfortable at this size, I think it might be my “set point.” More on set points that I totally stole from The Diet Channel:
“As if it’s not hard enough to lose weight and keep it off, now we know that many of us must contend with battling our "set point" too. The set point theory was introduced by a group of researchers in 1982. The basic premise of the theory is that the body has a built in weight regulating mechanism, largely genetically determined, that will tend to keep your weight in a physiologically established comfortable range. Many dieters contend with trying to drop weight beyond their bodies’ set point after following a healthy diet and exercise regimen for a time. Initially, for most, body weight will come off steadily and easily when following a reduced calorie diet and exercise program. However, for those of us with genetically determined set points beyond our desired weight goal, losing beyond this weight plateau can be quite challenging."
So if we combine that issue with the fact that I’ve been pretty naughty lately it’s clear I need to push push push to get through this. Work-outs need to be kept. I’m not going to make any big pronouncements about food, but I am saying right now, not a single caloried beverage other than lattes will pass my lips this week, no juice, no booze, no soda. I know I don’t need that stuff. My only other rule is no ice-cream. I am willing to eat junk, but I want to at least give my band a chance, and with all these sliders it’s kind of hopeless.
I’m also trying to celebrate the NSVs, cause there are tons. I have another picture post to make with pictures from my actual birthday dinner and Halloween, and I also have some shopping to share and some clothes to give away! I have tons of math homework to do today... So you know I’ll be procrastinating!
xox
ange
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This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!