Hi Ladies,

So I've been thinking a lot to how I react to my weight loss. I think, probably because of how close I am to a normal weight, that how slow it is really gives me a chance to consider each and every pound. When you get this "small" you kind of have to accept a slow down - I cut myself down to 1400 cals a day 80lbs ago - obviously it's not going to cut it now, nor does even 1200. I just have to accept the slow down, and look forward to my post-Mexico fill.

So I find myself looking at the scale every morning, these days floating between 178 and 181, and trying to decide what those numbers mean to me. Obviously from a comparative place, they're awesome - about 90lbs down. What's different now is they're getting to be ok numbers even objectively. At 5'8, I'm a pretty standard overweight now with a BMI of 27, smack dab in the middle between normal and obese. I really struggle to celebrate this though, to realize how good it is. And maybe that's a good thing - maybe it is not yet the time to be celebrating, because it could also mean settling.

I am pushing towards a goal I have no clue about. I know my healthy BMI range is anywhere between 122 to 164.5, and I want to get solidly in the middle of there I think. I would like to see myself under 150 one day, although I'm no longer at a point where time limits seem to make sense, other than by my second bandiversary - 35lbs in a year sounds reasonable right?

How do you guys fight the inner-debate between celebrating and settling, if you do have one?

xoxo
ange

One week till what you ask? One week till my bandiversary... And one week till Cancun! I am doing well this week. I still miss Ben and talking to him, but for whatever reason our relationship was really weighing me down, and since the tears subsided Monday I have felt re-engaged in life, I'm sleeping again, etc. It's so hard and obviously I can't attribute everything to the breakup. My weight was due to go down, and it continues to drop, which only makes sense considering how long it was staying still.

Hope everyone has a good day - my weekend starts in just a few hours!

My numbers are just always better on Tuesdays, may as well rock the good! I am 179.6 this morning, obviously fine, but with my cooking class Tuesdays I just can't seem to maintain a low for those two days!
Thanks Sarah for showing us these super-cute post-its, love them! xox

Ninety-one actually!

I am so excited to finally be out of the 180s, so relieved too. It took me longer to lose this set of ten, about nine and a half weeks, and about four and a half of those were focused on getting passed the dreaded 182s. I am excited I have a bit of a cushion too - a whole pound below is nice, and although I know I could see a 180 again, it won't last for long.

Thank you thank you thank you for your super sweet words of support yesterday. It's really tough - I really care about him and our relationship was a good one. I learned a lot about loving myself and what I need in a relationship and I really value that. Yesterday went well - I kept extremely busy, spoke to a bunch of the friends I had been neglecting while constantly talking to B, and got a bunch of school work done. There are certainly pangs now and then, but I'm trying to stay strong, and figure out how to balance getting over him and keeping in touch.

Anyways, I'm off to school, I'm chef of the day in my kitchen class and am making crab-cakes! Yum!

xox
Ange

Well this post will mostly be about downs. My weight finally is 180.2... I wish I could be happier and celebrating it a bit more, and maybe I'll feel more like it when it is 170-something.

Unfortunately, I'm really down too. Ben broke up with me yesterday, and his reasons were valid but that doesn't make them any easier to here or make me feel less sad about it. It's still fresh and I know that I'll feel better each day, but waking up this morning and then remembering... That really really sucked. I am trying to be strong, to keep myself busy and to remember I'll be on an even more needed vacation in just 11 days... But I have a three hour break this afternoon and I'm kinda worried that I'm gonna spend it moping. So if you could all blog a whooooole lot to keep me busy, that'd surely help.

Love and Hugs,
Ange

The past few days I've felt a bit overwhelmed by stress - as I tend to. I have decided that I really need to get home for a fill and will be going there on the way home from Cancun. It wasn't the cheapest thing I could do, but I get to get a fill and that's pretty much priceless. I thought about trying to get home before then, but the idea of being over-filled in Mexico is definitely not appealing.

As I was talking to my mom yesterday, struggling, she reminded me that what I was going through still sounded easier than pre-op. A year ago I was in hell - unable to get my shakes down, fading on next to no calories and soon - starting to doubt whether surgery could even happen. I have to remember this - how happy I am I got through it and got to have surgery, not the specifics of my results.

I am just watching the ski cross on the Olympics - I've been such a happy and proud Canadian these past ten days!

Lots of love,

Ange

I was nominated for a beautiful blogger award! Check out this video first!

Now Here are the rules:

* Thank the person who nominated you for this award;
* Copy the award and post it in your blog;
* Link to the blog of the person who nominated you;
* Tell seven interesting things about yourself;
* Nominate seven bloggers and;
* Post links to the blogs of your nominees


7 'Interesting' Facts about myself:


* I mentioned the first one in the vlog - when I was little I had a major speech impediment.

* I have traveled to over 20 different countries, and love to travel.

* I have two screws in my left ankle from when I broke it almost ten years ago. And it still bothers me. A lot.

* I went to summer camp for over 14 years, and after being a camper was a counselor and then the head of the Arts and Crafts department.

* I have the best boyfriend in the world who loves me despite the fact I talk ad nauseum about my band and jcrew and say really embarrassing things. In fact he likes it when I do that because then he gets to make fun of me for it. or not.

* I just cut bangs into my hair and I'm really nervous about regretting it. I think I love them though. Don't judge by the vlog hair, I think I left all my hairbrushes in Montreal.

* Exactly one year ago today was my last day before my pre-op diet started - I can remember cause it was my roommate's birthday and I just called her to wish her a good one. I can't believe how much has changed.


My Beautiful Blogger Award Nominees:

Amy: Everyone who knows Amy loves her, and I am certainly no exception. As a blogger she is constantly entertaining, encouraging and motivating. As a friend she is all that and more, and I am so grateful that I have my big band sister in my life. She has achieved unbelievable results, and although she has always been beautiful, I am genuinely blown away by her changes.

Catherine: Along with Amy, Catherine is one of the originals of our no-longer-so-little blogger world! She has been such an inspiration to me, working hard while still enjoying her life and enjoying such amazing results. She is a great role model for me when it comes to being patient with loss, because she has been and now she's like three pounds from goal! Also the first blogger I've met and we had such a fun time!

Kristen: I love this girl so much. Kristen and I speak almost every day, and although sometimes it is about band stuff, it can be about ANYTHING. We started talking a few months ago and I feel like we haven't stopped since. She is adorable and sweet and working so hard, I know she's going to continue to make amazing progress.

Jenny: Jenn never fails to inspire me. She has achieved amazing results with this little band of ours, and has done it whilst coping with a lot of pretty intense stressors. She never complains, though and always finds the positive spin on things. I am so sad I didn't get to meet her when I went to NYC but the next time I'm there we have a hot date!


Brooke: Brooke is such a sweet supportive friends and an incredible writer and blogger. I love reading her posts, whether heavy or light, and she always makes me smile with her jokes, Canadian references and great style. She also gave me great advice on facebook when she got a message meant for another Brooke F that really helped me... And on top of all that she's this running machine now. Crazy!

Cara: Cara is an incredibly sweet supportive woman and I feel so lucky to have her as a blog friend. She is also often my weight twin - we have been following a similar path lately, though I think she's beating me these days! She has managed to achieve great results with the band while taking care of her like fourteen sons and hubby too ;) I wish I had known about her/the band/etc when I spent my year in Aus and can't wait to see her next time I make it down under!

Gen:
Gen, my fellow JCrew aficionada has done so well with the band and is really rocking it. Even now with the obstacle of having to have gallstone surgery she stays positive! I am impressed by how active she manages to be with all of her kids and responsibilities, and she really inspires me to get back on skis - I live in a beautiful ski town and hardly ever take advantage of the mountain!

There are so many more of you that I would love to have mentioned - you're all rockstars and I am so grateful that I can read your blogs and get your insights. Big hugs.

xox
ange

Hey all!

Just thought I'd stop in to say hi and share an NSV that I had a couple of days ago. When I ordered my swimsuits from JCrew, I ordered a few other things - a pair of denim capris and a button down shirt and a strapless fancy-ish dress. I ordered the pants and dress in 14, and the shirt in XL. I don't know why -I really have trouble accepting that I might be a smaller size!

So although the dress is still too small in the bust, it's GORGEOUS and I really hope it fits by this summer. I was gonna show you the picture but it's completely sold out - I got a great deal on it final sale. I'll take a pic of it when I'm back home.

But the pants and shirt were huge! I took them into the JCrew store and ended up exchanging the 14s for 10s! 10! The guy who always helps me there (as I'm obsessed with that place) was giving me shit for not trying them on in the first place! I think part of the reason was the friend I was with tried on the 10 and didn't like how they fit her, and I couldn't fathom they might fit me, let alone look good.

So all in all I'm happy. It's frustrating to me that I'm a 10 on the bottom and still bigger than a 14 on top, but I know it's my boobs, and I'm still praying they'll shrink a little.

xoxo
ange

So I've written about Phusia on here before, always thinking about how lucky I am to have Julie and her classes in my life. This is Julie - she is HARDCORE!The Phusia story is a pretty cool one. Julie's always been a dancer, she actually has a dance degree. Years ago she started teaching Zumba, but realized, as a dancer, she wanted to be able to create her own routines in a wider variety of styles. We don't just do latin, we do hip hop, country, jazz, everything. And we rock it. I can't tell you how much fun I have in every class, and how much it improves me mood. I had a bit of a rough night last night dealing with a few things, and started my day still thinking about it all. After just a couple of songs I was feeling amazing!

Well something really exciting is happening - Julie has launched Phusia.com. On the website, she takes you through her suggested choreography for all the songs we do in class, and it is a LOT of fun. Because of licensing laws, the way we can use the website is buy downloading the songs she lists, and blast them off your ipod from your speakers and dance! Please check it out, register, and try some of the dances... And if you have any questions or comments, leave them here, e-mail me at angie.cummings@gmail.com or, you can e-mail Julie at julie.roick@phusia.com

Hope you guys check it out and enjoy as much as I do!
xox

So in less than a month, I'm going to Cancun for five days for Spring Break! I leave the day after my bandiversary, it'll be a great time to celebrate. I needed some new swimsuits, and after much deliberation, chose two one-pieces from JCrew. For me, with the looseness going on in the middle, a one piece felt like it'd be more secure and comfortable. I am really excited about both of them. The black is definitely super flattering and comfortable, and although the green fabric shows a bit more, I think it's a really pretty suit and I'm comfortable enough with the progress I've made, I don't need to see perfection.

Here they are!

So last week, I came out of the proverbial closet to my cousin R. Some of you might remember, as it got some pretty impassioned comments, that she had been talking to my personal trainer Julie about how she was afraid I was bulimic. We were all pretty pissed, because... Well it's bad enough when you have to get up from the table and pb. It is uncomfy, sometimes it hurts, and it an be embarrassing. Adding the stressor of someone believing you have an eating disorder is really no fun.

But I refused to tell her. I just didn't want to back down, in some weird way. I had made the choice not to tell her - mostly because although I love her, she has a pretty big mouth, and I really didn't want our whole family to know. I still worry that she'll tell. My biggest reason for not telling people pre-band was the pressure I thought it would put on - I don't want people watching what I eat and questioning why I'm losing or not losing.

I was explaining this all to Julie last week, because unfortunately, through the small town grape vine, Julie knew that R was still concerned. I finally just decided to tell her, and blurted it out before we went out for lunch. She was so happy for me, and so relieved. She said she was really worried that I did have an ED and didn't know if she should be telling someone. She worried that I would pass out on her one day, or that I'd get really sick and everyone would wonder why she, the only person who lives in the same place as me hadn't tried to stop it. Regardless, she knows and seems to understand my desire for privacy.

R was the first person I've told the band from whom I've consciously withheld the information before. I was really worried that she'd be mad I hadn't told her earlier, but in the end she was just happy I was telling her now.

xox

I thought I'd do a lil before and during pic because I like my new outfit... Of course the before face is possibly the most hideous ever. I actually have that dress in my closet pulled for mexico - maybe I'll do a same outfit comparison!

Hey guys!

As I'm a boring blogger, I thought I'd share a little product review with you. I bought these Yoplait Smoothies from the freezer section. I bought the Strawberry Mango Pineapple kind, and it comes with little chunks of yogurt in it. The idea is easy - just add 1 to 1.5 cups of skim milk. It comes to about 110 calories and I believe just 1 gram of fat.

I added a bit of extra milk to mine to make it more drinkable, but sometimes it's nice and more filling to have a thicker smoothie.

I'm a huge nerd, hence the umbrella... Hope you guys give these a try, they're a light yummy snack! I plan on trying to add some protein powder next time.

Hi Everyone,

My return to regular blogging has been slow. It's not that I don't want to share what I'm feeling throughout this transition, I've just been SO busy! Between classes, work, a touch of a social life and talking to Ben, everything's really packed in.

My weight this morning was 182.6, so actually .2 up from my low two weeks ago. I'm not letting the .2 bother me. I am really hoping to be back on track with loss next week, but considering my weight was up to 189 a week ago, I'm happy.

What I am really trying to do is respect the 87.4lbs I have already lost. In less than a year, I am a completely different person, and I need to acknowledge how far I've come, rather than constantly wanting the next goal, the next set of numbers. I've come a long way, and I am trying to constantly remember that.

xox
ange