Wow... 2009 has been, without a doubt, the mist pivotal of my life. I started this year weighing 270lbs. I started this year completely unhappy with who I was, where I was living, where I was working, and my uncertainty about my direction in life. I will start 2010 weighing 186 lbs. I love who I have become, I live in the most beautiful place I can imagine, and I am working and studying in a field that I am completely passionate about. I have so much more to write, and probably more to say- I think I'll vlog it... But I just had to get a few words down today, the last day of 2009, the year I became ME.

Today was weigh-in wednesday, and after this week, the scale could not have been kinder! I am down to 187.0!

As I just updated my numbers at the side of my screen and in my ticker... it seems so crazy to me that I once weighed 255, 270. I will never forget how hopeless and shitty I felt about myself and my prospects at weight loss... But I can't fathom what it felt like to carry around those extra pounds. I can't believe that I've lost 83 pounds this year. Wow.
I'm gonna try to do a Vlog tonight, but just wanted to update you!

xoxox
ange

I'm back down to my pre-New York weight - actually .4lbs lighter, 189.2!

I'm really happy to be back down, and it only took a week. I have been naughty but I haven't been awful, and it's nice to remember that with the band we do not necessarily have to be on all the time.

My life's been crazy since I've been back - working 11-7 everyday and then lots of fam time again.

Hope you're all well... Sorry I haven't been commenting much lately, I have been reading! xoxox
ange

I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has a wonderful day!

I will be working from 12 to 8 tomorrow, which I don't really mind as I don't celebrate the holiday - except with Chinese and a movie, and even if I did, that's the nature of this beast, the hospitality industry.

I'm also glad to start my working time tomorrow because I need to get back on track diet wise, and being at work it is just hard to binge/graze all day, which is all I've done since I've been home. I'm afraid of what I'll see on the scale tomorrow, as I've been compleeeetely naughty - even though I started the day off right with my first hour long spin class.

YUP! I did it - amongst the awful eating came a big NSV - my first full hour spin class. It was super hard, I was exhausted enough to take a two-hour nap today, but I am so proud of myself. I'm hoping the few hundred calories I burned will keep some of the Oreo weight from sticking!

Enjoy your days, your family and your free time!

xoxox
ange

Hi all!

I just woke up after landing at 12:30am last night. I got home around 1:45am and promptly crashed... so good to sleep in my own bed!

I have been gone since eeeearly Saturday so I was quite eager to get on the scale this morning. I was not surprised to see a number over 190. Right now, I weigh 191.8 lbs, up 2 lbs from a week ago. For all the fun I had, not too bad. I drank a lot, ate a lot, and had a lot of fun, and I'm ok with a temporary gain. WOAH. I just said that.

I'm okay with it because I'm no less pretty than I was last Wednesday, my clothes really don't fit any different. No guy would go up to me and say damn girl you'd look great if you weighed 2.2 lbs less. Fluctuations are minor in everyone's mind but my own, and I'm fighting hard to make them minor in mine too.

We took a ton of cool pics in NYC and Atlantic City with my friend's fancy camera. Once he posts them I'll do a picture post on here.

I was just reading Dinnerland and it made me really think about whether healthful choices have started to be more natural to me. I don't think they always are, I definitely choose to nibble on other people's french fries WAY too often and eat "just one bite" of desserts! But last night on my way home I made all good choices. I got to the JetBlue terminal in time to have dinner before my flight. I went to their cafeteria area, where they have everything from Pizza to Chinese to Philly Cheese-steaks to Burgers. For a moment I scanned some of those menus... But for me, I know I'd feel better (i.e. not get stuck) and be more satisfied than with something I'd normally eat. Because travel can so easily become a warrant to eat naughtily, can't it! So I got a small cup of tomato soup, and made myself a salad at the salad bar with shredded chicken. I wasn't perfect, there were definitely bacon bits invited to the party, but there were also sprouts and spinach and carrots. It was delicious - well the amount i could eat was. It's really hard to make a bandster sized salad with all those options! Then after, at my gate, I got myself a bowl of watermelon as a snack. I enjoyed everything, and it was nice to know I had ended my vacation on a more normal note eating wise.

I look forward to getting back to the 180s, and I don't think it should be too hard - cutting alcohol out completely, watching my sodium and not having silly boy friends ordering desert and every corner! It's also my t.o.t.m. so really, 2 lbs aint no thang.

xoxo
ange

Can I just put it out there that I love this city? Love. Love. Love love love.

I have had such a great time so far. I've been to the Moma where I saw some amazing art including a really cool exhibition on Tim Burton. I've been out for delicious meals, seen Hair, probably my favorite Broadway show ever... And most of all I got to meet Catherine!

She already blogged about it, but it was, as she said, such an amazing experience. She's been lucky enough to meet so many of you, but for me this was a first! To be able to meet someone who truly understands this experience - what it's like to be wondering if you are gonna have to get up at a restaurant to pb, or how to tell a guy. We had so much fun talking about everything... and she gave me some very good boy advice too! It was a wonderful experience. She is also gorgeous, looks amazing. It was wild to me to think that a year ago... We weighed about 140lbs more, put together, than we do now. CRAZY! The good news is I'm fully obsessed with New York, so I should be back for another visit very soon!

A fun NSV in my life lately is that lately I've been getting told that I look like a certain celebrity. Now I really don't see it, except maybe in my jawline which seems like a funny thing... But about half a dozen people, most of them complete strangers, have told me they think I look like Jessica Simpson! How crazy is that!

I've got to get showered, we're heading out for another 10pm dinner tonight... My poor band was a little confused last night!

xox
ang

It took me longer than any other block before it... But since October 19th, I have lost 10lbs...

Since I started this journey I have lost 80lbs... and am now in the 180s!

I am so excited. 180s is wild to me, it seems like such a normal place. Like just a bit overweight. Not hugely. I probably wouldn't freak if someone found out I weigh what I do. I can't believe there's a one starting the number from here to goal... wowww!

190.6 as of this morning!

Hi Guys,

So I really shouldn't be blogging - I should be studying or sleeping- it's almost 3am!

I am an awful procrastinator, always have been. It was always my downfall academically, but I am not letting it win this time - I am getting everything done that I can. Tonight I've written a 800 word essay, read half a book.. well the sparknotes of a book, and am now halfway through a 500 word essay on it. I also completed an entire english grammar notebook which may have been the stupidest exercise of my life.... I will be so SO glad to be done with this English Composition class!

The good news is my weight is doing well... I'm weighing in at 191.6 right now, yes at night, because can you believe it I was so stressed I forgot to weigh-in this morning! That's really encouraging to me - maybe I'll see 190 tomorrow! Regardless it's good - I hit 191 last week by pretty much not eating all day, I lost it quickly by eating again! But this week I've lost the pounds above it for real, by eating healthily.

Alright, back to my boy Billy Budd.

xox
ange

Hi Guys,

On my way to my math exam last night I finally got the great news I was waiting for - I got in to Champlain College for next semester! I am so so excited.

It feels SO good to be so happy about something not related to weight-loss. Obviously it isn't everything, and this is a really good reminder of that for me. I am so excited, so proud of myself for getting myself back on track... So stoked!

xox
Angie

P.S. How gorgeous is my campus?!

If found please return to the Canadian girl living in Stowe complaining about understanding Fahrenheit temperatures.

Hi all,

So I am living a scale-less life and it is infuriating me enough to get into my dreams! I'm trying one week without daily weigh-ins, just to see how it goes... And not so well.

Know what's not so great either? My restriction is COMPLETELY M.I.A. It's been months since my last fill, so this isn't unheard of or cause for concern, just a big pain.

For example, I ate Mac and Cheese yesterday. I cannot eat pasta. Except apparently now I can. I also can't eat pizza - but I ate a piece, crust and all. I'm not getting and staying full... I want back in the green zone!

Good news is I have a fill scheduled for Jan 5th or something... Hopefully I can get to the 180s by then by willpower and exercise.

We had our work X-Mas party on Wednesday, and I ended up wearing a dress we found semi last minute. Looking at pics I wish I had gone down a size, but it was a lot of fun, and I like some of the pics, even though I feel like it didn't show off my body that well.






xox
Ange

So I have decided to officially call my wednesday weight the official one for the week. Somehow it's when I see my lowest numbers, and I might as well get to lower that ticker! I weighed in yesterday and 191.2! Wehoo!

I've been thinking about Catherine's post, and my one before that, about guys caring about how we had lost weight. Tonight I'm hanging out with someone I've been seeing in a more... physical sense. He called me, saying he wanted to watch movies and eat Chinese food. This is progress - a non booty-call! But I'm also nervous about eating in front of him. I may just tell him if it comes up (not eating much or getting stuck)... Although not dating, per-se, we have been hanging out for a couple of months now, and I want to just feel open with him. And if he reacts badly... Well fuck him. Or not, actually.

Happy hump day ;) !

xox
ange

It had been a long time, so I decided to try a new layout... What do you guys think?

Also, like Sarah I just realized I've now got over 100 followers - it is crazy to think of how excited I was for that first or second follower, and would check to see if I had more everyday!

Off to the gym!

My best friend Claudia came down for her birthday this weekend, and we went shopping Saturday. I did pretty well at J.Crew: I got this adorable gold slouchy tuque (aka winter hat for you Americans.)


I also got a pair of corduroys. There were a couple of pairs on sale for like 19 dollars, so I grabbed the a 33 and tried them on. They were huge. Claudia, her boyfriend Nick and the very helpful sales girl agreed. They were ridiculous. She grabbed them for me in a 32 and 31, and both fit, but we decided the reason they were on sale was cause they were a hideous shade of doodoo brown. The highly intelligent salesgirl decided to grab me a pair of full-priced cords to try in black. She brought them to me in a ten. And guess what? They fit really well. ME. A SIZE 10. Crazy talk, people! Crazy!
I haven't taken a pic of me in the pants yet, but here they are:



xox
ange

Not to be confused with crunches time, I actually skipped the gym this morning.

I have an INSANE amount of school work to get done in the next two-weeks. My time management skills will certainly be put to the test, I am kinda freaked out about it, but I know I'll emerge, I always do.

This weekend was a ton of fun - the dinner we went to Friday night was delicious, though I could barely touch my main course. I ate good foods most of the weekend, just too much of them... My fill isn't for another month, and I'm just wishing I could get in sooner, but alas, I won't be home till January 3rd. Gotta push through and make the right choices.

My weight right now is 195.8 which does not make me too happy... It's about three pounds up from Friday morning. I know some of it is bound to be salt with the restaurant eating, and some of it could also be from my INSANE work-out Saturday morning. My muscles are super sore, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was carrying extra fluid in that department.

All I can do is work to get it back off... That means really really conscious choices, and it also means I need to get my workouts in, even with school being busy, I could have made it this morning, and I most definitely will tomorrow.

Have a great week everyone...

xox
Ange

A Vlog in two parts.


I SAY LIKE SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! WOAH! I apologize for my inability to sound like anything but a 12 year old.

It's my nine-month bandiversary! Happy I could have had a baby by now bandiversary to me!

I really appreciate everyone's comment. I was so glad to hear I wasn't alone in that awful tragic feeling that comes along. I hate to think that I've been valuing so much of my self-worth on something that fluctuates so arbitrarily, and am trying not to.

I am following people's advice - Robyn suggested tracking my weight everyday using a spreadsheet - if anyone has the Mac software Numbers (our version of excel) there's a built-in weight loss template, who knew!

Amy W's also given me great advice, specifically HAVING A WEIGH-IN DAY. Come on. I know I need to do this. I know it makes sense, I know it'll make me focus more on the big picture... But I so like just lowering my ticker every time it happens. But then I get too caught up in the fluctuations... So I'm making it official. My Monday weight counts. I was all "but that's right after the weekend!" to which she replied "duh pookie, it keeps us accountable." uh. oh.

This week has gone well. Back to exercise, went on my own for the first time in forever last night. I love my classes and personal training sessions so much I don't often have the need or the time to do a solo workout, and they're also never as good or long... But it felt really good to know I was there 100% on my own motivation.

OOh and finally to my Bad-ASS NSV!

So last night at the gym I was doing this excercise my trainer Julie has me do - first you do one push-up (full push-ups here, Julie doesn't believe in "ladies pushups.") Anyways, first 1 push-up, then you do one press - I did these with 12.5lb weights. Then two-push ups, two presses, etc. Normally she has me go all the way to eight... It gets REALLY hard. Well not only was I able to push myself to 10 of each, but Ernie, who is the lead trainer at our gym and for the elite ski kids in town yelled accross the gym "Bad-ass pushups Ange! Boys, you could learn something from this girl!"

I just about DIED I was so happy! I remember my first PT session, only about two months ago when Julie had me do five push-ups I really thought my arms would collapse. Two months later, they're admirable push-ups. And even more - I felt it while I was doing them. I could feel that they were good.

Off to the gym again - lots of love! xox

I'm not joking. It's kind of ridiculous how upset I get by my fluctuations. I feel like even though I am doing well and accomplishing many things outside of my weight loss, my weight change is the thing I am putting an insane amount of value on. To that effect, when that seems to be slipping away... It kind of feels like the world is.

It was truly just a fluctuation. I wasn't even "perfect" this weekend -not by any means, right Claude? And my weight is still back down to 193.5ish. I don't know that I'm gonna stop the daily weigh ins, but I am considering it... I need to notice the trend, which is undoubtedly downwards.

I realize I'm crazy... I really support your sweet encouraging words.

xox
Ange