I was just thinking about BMIs. At my consult it was 42 - morbidly obese. Right now it's 36- severely obese. At 222 it'll 34 - "just" obese. I can't wait till I'm overweight - 191. To be normal I'd have to be 160, and that just seems way too far off to comprehend - but for now, the idea of being only overweight is pretty appealing!
my clinic's BMI calc.

Guys I have so much to update you on it is beyond ridiculous. Don't get too excited, I haven't instantaneously dropped the remaining 80lbs or fallen in love, but I have been away from blogging for a bit of time, and woah, life happens!

About ten days ago I got my fourth fill, luckily with the nurse at my clinic who I've seen the most and most prefer visiting, Sue. She's just really sweet, and I feel like she remembers me each time, etc. We put in just a bit more, and I had lost I think three more pounds by their scale. Wow, I can't believe I don't remember. Fill went fine, was actually shockingly ravenous that night and ate half a cow's worth of meatloaf. Err. A quarter of a cow and half a turkey, actually.

The next morning my friends Steve and Emily arrived from NYC where they had been before, but they're from Australia and I haven't seen them in a year, since I left there. It was so so fun to have them, I don't have time to tell all the millions of stories and adventures, so I'll just leave you with the very first. We decided to go shopping and for lunch I took them to a chain restaurant here in Canada called Jack Astor's. It's kind of like Chili's or TGIFridays style, pretty good, and like super American/cheesy which Steve totally loves. And I was an idiot. Not even considering I was less than 24 hours post-fill, I somehow consented to us ordering garlicy cheese bread and to sharing a burger. WTF was I thinking? One bite of fresh-baked doughy goodness in and I'm more stuck than I ever would have believed possible. And the worst thing? I hadn't told these friends yet about the band. I was in and out of our booth to the restroom at least 7 times that meal - I told them after the second trip because it was so bad that it was SO obvious something was up. Often when I'm really stuck /TMI ALERT/ I do sort of make myself gag leaning over the toilet, and stuff comes up. But this time stuff was totally coming up on it's own, my eyes were tearing, slime, the works. It was AWFUL. And so embarassing/awkward. Like these are good friends and they know me well, but this is the first time I've seen them in a year. I'm an idiot. Luckily things did get better, and really that was just a reminder for me that I can't be an idiot, and I need to eat slow and conscienscously. Which isn't to say there weren't more runs to the bathroom as I've adjusted to this fill - the first one where I've really had to make a change. I'm still not sure if I'm at the optimal level of restriction, but I do feel like I might be- I didn't gain anything the week my friends were here, and that was a week of intense junk-food. Ice-creams, pizza, french fries, the works. Between making as many healthy choices as I could and my band laying down the law when I didn't, I somehow survived.

I've still got a ton more to update you all on - yesterday was my clinic's anual lap-band symposium and I learned a lot of different things and techniques I'm def going to discuss here, but I've gotta get changed and ready for my hip-hop class!

More soon. In the mean time check out this book trailer that was shown to us at the conference. It's by Dr. Michelle May, who wrote a bunch of books about how to like discern real hunger from head hunger etc. Here's the video
And here is an awesome awesome quote -

Hey loves!

Will really write and update soon, but have been so busy with my friends from Australia here for the week I haven't had the chance to update. Alas they're gone now, and I'll be able to update you in the morning... for now I'm just catching up one what all of you guys have been up to!

Hey guys,

I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off these past few days, I went to a friend's cottage for the long weekend, and ate a ton of junk, came back Monday and went straight to the Jay's Game... ate some more junk.. Came home after going to see the fireworks and weighed myself... 241. WHAT!? 241! Up 4 lbs! Yes it was night time, (and I weigh myself in the morning) but I just about had a heart attack. I couldn't sleep that night, I had so much anxiety like... I felt so bad. But I knew it was mostly salt, I knew that although I hadn't done a great job of choosing foods and not snacking, I had eaten SO much better than I would have pre-banding. So yesterday I drank over 3 litres of water to re-hydrate and de-bloat, exercised twice and started my food journal blog - and Hallelujah, the weight she is off. Down to 235.4... Was hoping to hit to 234 this week, but I've got my fill tomorrow and two workout classes to do this morning... Maybe I'll avoid salt and see if I can knock it off. Either way, the lesson for me was there is gonna be some up and down, it's like a fever - it goes down, but then the next day, it might go up again a bit before it totally breaks. Hope everyone is doing well... Be nice to yourselves, I would be!

xx
ange

Hey guys,

I've started a blog for my food diaries - where I'll write down what I eat each and every day. I find journaling my food keeps me accountable... And I could use some accountability. I'm making it a separate blog mostly because I think it'll all be pretty boring, but of course, you're welcome to check it out here.
xox
ange

Hey guys,

So I just uploaded the pics of me in the bridesmaid's dress, they're not particularly great or showing of how big the dress is... maybe when I go in to get it altered I'll take some pictures with my real camera.

Here they are though-
I cut my face out of them because I was trying the dress on first thing in the morning and it was scary.

This weekend is a long weekend here in Canada, Victoria Day Long Weekend aka May 24 (even though the 24th isn't till next weekend. Hmm.) It's like the official start of summer for me, even though the weather forecast isn't too great. I'm headed up north to beautiful cottage country in an area called Muskoka , to my friend Becky's cottage with her boyfriend JB, and my brother Daniel, sis-in-law Tova and my lovely nephew Tyler. Should be a lot of fun. I'm sad that I won't get to the gym though - which I think might make me certfiable. Did I actually just type that!?

I am leaving early tomorrow morning and won't be back till Monday, and then I'll be headed straight downtown to see the Blue Jays kick the White Sox's ass... So I'll be back in touch Monday night! Hope everyone has a great (long, for those it applies to) weekend!

The bridesmaid's dress I'll be wearing to my cousin's wedding June 21st has arrived. I had to order in January, when I was pre-op. I knew I'd be losing weight, but I was too scared to order down sizes... Well it arrived and it's HUGE. I did have to go up two sizes to make the measurements for my bust work, but now it's GINORMOUS everywhere but the bust, and still really loose there too! Wahoo! I took some iPhone pics, I'll upload them to a longer post tomorrow, but wanted to share my nsv!!

Hey everybody,

Today's been a good day so far. I've been waking up pretty early every day for workout classes, but today I decided to do a class called Dance Party at 10:30, which let me have a bit of a sleep in. It was AWESOME. Unlike the hip hop class I took on the weekend, it was 100% non-stop cardio. I just stuck to the back and picked up the routines as they'd go, but a song would start, and most of the people knew the dance and he'd kinda teach it in the front, until the next song was on and it was on to the next routine. I was dripping sweat from only about 10 mins in, and my ankle didn't bother me too much.

Then I came home, took a shower and did my hair (which always makes me feel so much prettier) and decided to do some shopping. My income tax return cheque came a few days ago, and because I don't make a whole lot, I got quite a bit back. Most of it is going towards my plane ticket to visit my friends out west over the summer, but I decided to treat myself a bit. OK, OK, my name is Angie, and I'm a Shopaholic. I went to a new mall/shopping centre called the Don Mills Centre, and it is SO nice. Claude I think you're the only Torontonian reading this blog - it's AMAZING. It's all outside, like Florida. And they have an Anthropoligie, the first in Canada.

I bought a dress at Banana Republic. Banana is awesome because it's pretty dependable, I can almost always find a nice stretchy jersey dress or top when I need one. But today's dress is not stretch jersey. It is 100% silk, with 100% NO STRETCH. And it fits! Wahoo! It's kinda hard to get it on, I'll admit, cause of the boobies, but once everything is in place I think it looks pretty good! Here it is.
Pretty cute eh? Then I decided to go to Anthropologie. As I said, this is the first one in Canada but I'd always admried their clothes online, and absolutely lusted for their homeware stuff. The store didn't dissapoint, tons and tons of beautiful dresses that were so me... Alas, I think BR gave me a false sense of confidence, because NOTHING FIT. A few things came close but didn't quite look right, and then this dress came along.... STUPID BOOBS!
It looks pretty awful in the picture, but it actually looked really cute from the empire seam down... However it was so freaking tight in the boobs it was distorted. I should have taken a pic of the dress on the hanger so you could see how it's actually supposed to look. Anyways, it's good nothing fit cause it was all pretty expensive.

I also bought a pair of gladiator sandals at nine west that were on sale 50%... bargain!

So there's my day in shopping. My day in eating has been good too - I had a glass of chocolate milk before my class, then came home and had a chicken breast with a toasted tortilla and some salad, and then had a half of a small Ice-Cap for a snack. Tonight we're gonna make baked chicken Parmesan and caesar salad... Yumm!!

xx

Hey guys!

Well I went to Aquafit this morning, and it was fun. Full of old ladies, of course, but I did it in the deep water and it definitely felt like a solid workout. It was a little painful to get up for it this morning, so I'm hoping the friend I have plans with tomorrow night is ok to hang a bit later, so I can do the beginner Hip Hop class instead of waking up early for the Aquafit.

Amy's entry about how we are now working so hard - making these super solid changes and choices in our lives, and it just feels like we should be skinny already- really really resonated with me. It sucks... What still gets to me, although I'm feeling much better than I did on Saturday is... I feel like I've been at this a few months now, I eat healthy, now I'm working out almost every day - but to a stranger, I'm still a fat girl. That sucks, and there's nothing I can do about it but keep going.

So I know I shouldn't weigh myself a million times a week like I do, but I've started only recording my weight Tuesday mornings... But when I was on the scale today, it was at 236.6... .4lbs ahead of my 3 a week goal. But then I checked after lunch and it was back up. Whatever it's at tomorrow when I get up is the weight I'll be working from, but I don't get how come it changes so much so quickly!! Regardless, I feel like I'm finally getting away from the 240 plateau that I held on to for so long. Amy was also so right that we get so happy to reach a certain goal - getting to 240 for me was so huge, and the moment I met it, I was on to the next step. So for now, I'm gonna think of how well I am doing, being oh so comfortably back on track.

xox

I think the fact that I left my music on might have messed up the sound... we'll see if it normalizes once it uploads... if not sorry, just minimize the screen and listen to me, haha.

To any of my blog buddies with little ones, I hope you have a wonderful and happy Mother's Day!! Going through this journey worrying really about only myself is hard enough, I can't imagine rocking it with kids like so many of you do!

xox

I did go to the gym, and signed up for a membership. Finally.

I did a Tai Chi class, which was interesting, def not the most calorie burning workout but it was a cool experience. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna do an aquafit class in the morning and then a dance class in the aft. Fun fun!

xox
ange

I've convinced them to do let me do a 1-month membership, for a semi-reasonable rate. Much more reasonable than the $20.00 a visit they initially wanted!

I'm off to check it out and to try a Tai Chi class in a little while.

I'll let ya'll know how it goes!!

xx

I am sick of being bored of my life. And I'm also sick of feeling like I'm not working out enough. Well I seem to have found a solution. There's an Extreme Fitness Gym about 20 mins north from me that seems to have the best class schedule I could imagine for myself. There are water classes almost every morning, and then some fun dancier ones in the evenings... I can see myself going twice a day, because honestly, I'm bored and would otherwise be sitting alone on my ass at home.

So I'm gonna go visit the club tomorrow, and sign up, plan a schedule. I'm doing it.

TOMORROW YOU CAN ALL ASK ME HOW IT WENT... I'LL HAVE ANSWERS.

I am ready to become a more active participant in my wl journey, and I feel that excercise is going to be the key.

So I really like to bake. Like I love it. My friends know me for it, I'm pretty good at it, it's one of my favourite ways to spend a day. It is not, however, quite so properly matched with the lap-band. Sure there are healthier and less healthy things to bake - today was oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which are about 110 cals and 6.5 grams of fat, totally reasonable. But then they're in the house. And I like to eat them when they're in the house. I'll probably make my brother and sister-in-law take the extras home, but generally I'm at a loss as to what to do with most of the stuff I bake.

Honestly, I don't need to eat it. If they wouldn't suspect poisoning I'd give it to a local firehouse or a homeless guy, but that might not go over so well in Toronto.

Does anyone have any really healthy baking ideas? Or not-healthy baking ideas with good ideas as to how to avoid eating them? I was thinking of making something with coconut, as I completely despise it.

Happy weekend everyone, and Happy Mother's Day to those who celebrate it, and happy being in the sun swimming to the beach and making Angie so completely jealous day to Amy.

xoxo

I had a therapy session yesterday, and my therapist and I talked about how in quite a few aspects of my life, especially related to weight loss, I struggle with being OK in the gray area. What does that mean? I kind of have a very all or nothing view. I feel like if I am going to start exercising, it has to be "last-chance workouts" 5 days a week. I struggle to comprehend that my diet doesn't have to be on at every moment I am eating - my band can take care of some of that for me.

I also am really struggling with the feedback I'm getting from people. If someone asks me how much I have lost, I will gladly tell them 30lbs and take any accolades they want to give me. But when someone tells me I look good, or that my legs look thinner or that my neck looks longer or whatever - I hate it. I get over it, I say thanks kind of awkwardly, but it really bothers me. Which is weird, right? It's back to the struggle to be in the gray again - for me, no body (of mine) will deserve complements for oh... another 100 or so pounds? My therapist asked when I thought I'd look good enough to deserve it and I really don't know. My issue with all of this is that it's shitty. It's shitty that I struggle to enjoy the rewards for how far I've come, and it makes me worry if I'll ever feel... Good about it.

Ok so I don't wanna end this on a sorta depressing note so here's my funny story for the day.

Yesterday after my therapy session I was like dying of thirst and drank an entire bottle of water but was still thirsty so I decided to stop somewhere to get a Diet Snapple. I went into Burger Shack, which is the best burgers in Toronto. They're open late, in the middle of the area most of my friends grew up, and really really yummy. Needless to say, I haven't been there since before pre-op. I went in, and immediately the girl was like "woww, you've lost a ton of weight eh?" I was like umm... yeah thanks. There were SO many people around - it was lunch rush so that means high school kids, construction workers, everyone. She was like how are you doing it and I made a joke about mostly not eating there... But she kept going on! It was HILARIOUS.

When I first started the blog - before I got banded and before I was interesting, I was obsessed with knowing who read the blog. I registered on this website stat-counter, and it is still pretty cool to see who's reading, and from where! Here's my map...I have visitors all over north america, quite a few in Oz... But only one (unknown) person in Germany. Fun eh?

xox

Down 6lbs from my last appointment!

Sent from Angie Cummings' iPhone