I had a therapy session yesterday, and my therapist and I talked about how in quite a few aspects of my life, especially related to weight loss, I struggle with being OK in the gray area. What does that mean? I kind of have a very all or nothing view. I feel like if I am going to start exercising, it has to be "last-chance workouts" 5 days a week. I struggle to comprehend that my diet doesn't have to be on at every moment I am eating - my band can take care of some of that for me.
I also am really struggling with the feedback I'm getting from people. If someone asks me how much I have lost, I will gladly tell them 30lbs and take any accolades they want to give me. But when someone tells me I look good, or that my legs look thinner or that my neck looks longer or whatever - I hate it. I get over it, I say thanks kind of awkwardly, but it really bothers me. Which is weird, right? It's back to the struggle to be in the gray again - for me, no body (of mine) will deserve complements for oh... another 100 or so pounds? My therapist asked when I thought I'd look good enough to deserve it and I really don't know. My issue with all of this is that it's shitty. It's shitty that I struggle to enjoy the rewards for how far I've come, and it makes me worry if I'll ever feel... Good about it.
Ok so I don't wanna end this on a sorta depressing note so here's my funny story for the day.
Yesterday after my therapy session I was like dying of thirst and drank an entire bottle of water but was still thirsty so I decided to stop somewhere to get a Diet Snapple. I went into Burger Shack, which is the best burgers in Toronto. They're open late, in the middle of the area most of my friends grew up, and really really yummy. Needless to say, I haven't been there since before pre-op. I went in, and immediately the girl was like "woww, you've lost a ton of weight eh?" I was like umm... yeah thanks. There were SO many people around - it was lunch rush so that means high school kids, construction workers, everyone. She was like how are you doing it and I made a joke about mostly not eating there... But she kept going on! It was HILARIOUS.
Mini-Goals and Statistics
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
100 lbs down!!