Looking at the side-by-side... Not even I can deny I've come a long way.

oh and I have no clue what that dot above my boobs is - it's not there in real life!

Today I got a very special package from a very special lady! Catherine was so sweet to think of me and send me an adorable summer-y sundress that I'm going to love wearing this summer. I have quite a few weddings and showers and all that and I know I'll get tons of use out of it. It fits pretty now - kinda tight in the bust but luckily the back is smocked and has lots of stretch to it. It's the kind of dress that will continue to fit as I get a bit smaller... And then it's off to Amy down in Florida! The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bandster Dress.

Catherine also sent me a very sweet bonus item - a pair of denim capris that are shockingly big on me! Yay! I have a weird body - big boobs, pretty big belly, but no butt to speak of, and proportionally relatively thin legs, so although they were OK in the waist, I know they'd look hotter on someone with curves. I've already offered them to someone, but if anyone else might be interested feel free to let me know. They're a size 20 from the Gap.

Again, thank you so much Catherine...

xoxox

PS you have beautiful handwriting!

Managed to find a scale in this house that actually works.

It's not digital, but it looks like it's reading a touch below 240... Maybe 238 or 239. I'll wait till I'm home next week to call it official, but I'm glad to know that I'm at least not gaining as I wait to find my sweet spot.

xoxo

So I'll blog.

WARNING - THIS BLOG HAS HARDLY ANYTHING TO DO WITH LAPBAND RELATED STUFF!

I am pretty overdue anyways. First, I'll start off with the big news...

I'm moving back to Vermont this summer!


I'm really excited about this. For some background information, my family has an awesome house here. We've been coming to Stowe our whole lives. We also own a hotel/resort here called Topnotch. I first worked at Topnotch in late 2006. I had dropped out of University after two years, and then spent a year faltering in Toronto, trying desperately to figure my life out. That summer, I went backpacking in Europe, and decided that although I had no idea what I would do with my life, I needed to be out of Toronto, away from the pressures of my parents. I decided to go to Stowe cause I loved it here, having no expectations beyond escape.

And then I finally found something I was good at. I worked for that year as a Spa Experience Coordinator - I worked at the spa desk to book people's appointments, help them choose what would be best for them, and deliver excellent customer service. And I loved it. It was like the KT Tunstall song - Suddenly I See! It was an amazing year, and I made incredible friends and had so much fun. When I lived in Stowe my social life was more active than it had ever been. I even had a (somewhat regrettable and totally stupid) relationship. But then I had to leave. My work visa was up... I knew that day would come, and I had planned, planned my amazing 6 month trip to Australia. I've been living in Toronto since I got home from Oz, almost a year ago.

And I always miss Stowe. I missed it tons when I was here three times over the summer. Twice in the fall. For two weeks at Christmas. Once in February. And again now. It is my happy place. My place where everything seems a bit less overwhelming, a bit easier to swallow (there's a lapband analogy somewhere in there.) So I've decided there's no good reason not to be happy. I'll move here in June, when one of my cousins is getting married. I'll start working at the Spa Desk again, full time for July and August, and then part time in September, when I go back to school. Yes, I'm going back to school too. I'll have to go to Community College for a semester to get my GPA back up, because I was a 17/18 year old kid when I made my first attempt at university, and I mostly majored in drinking and marijuana. This time I am doing it for myself, not because it is what is expected of me, and I'll be studying something I love - Hospitality Management, at a school only about half an hour away from Stowe, Johnson State College. I am very excited to begin this new chapter in my life, and I kind of think getting the band may have been the catalyst I needed to change a lot more than just my weight.

In terms of band stuff, eating with this restriction/fill-level is still something I'm getting used to, though I am pretty sure I am satisfied on less. I need to practise eating slower and smaller bites, because I have gotten myself uncomfortable on foods that should not be causing problems. I've had great reception from some of my friends who know I've been working on losing but don't know about the band. One of my close friends here, Kate, is a massage therapist at the Spa. I got a massage from her on Friday and she told me today at a friend of ours party that she could tell I had lost weight when she was massaging me. A bit awkward, haha, but I totally appreciate her honesty and I can't wait to continue to wow her.

I am struggling a bit with making the best choices when I am constantly surrounded by people who don't know about my surgery. It makes me more personably accountable, I can't rely on other people to get me to make the right choices. It is not upsetting or overwhelming me though, rather I am just trying to take it one day at a time, and be as active as I can. On Friday I walked from my house to the village of Stowe, which we clocked in the car on the way back as 4.2 miles. It was long and we walked slow, but other than some blisters I could easily do it again. I took an aquafit class on Saturday morning and again yesterday, and although it maybe wasn't as difficult as I could handle, any activity is good activity.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping for some party supplies with a friend in Burlington, and am excited to go shopping... see if my Size 14 Old Navy Jeans were a fluke or if I can continue to fit into that size.

Hope everyones doing great. I wanted to take this chance also to thank Catherine who so generously offered to send me a beautiful dress she has that she is now too slim to wear! I am so appreciative and will be sure to pay it forward.

xoxox
ange

P.S. Not sure if anyone has ever bought Svoboda jeans but they're plus size premium denim and amaaaazing, and they're currently having a 50% off sale on all their specialty jeans. They also have really gorgeous bright coloured denim for sale that is so trendy right now... I just love them and thought I should spread hte love. check out www.svobodastyle.com

Hey All!

Am alive, and well, with some good news to share soon. Having a great time in Vermont, and, I promise, a big blog entry to come tomorrow night.

xoxo

For Amy who is bored at work and wants me to entertain her.

Hello my darlings,

2nd fill did not go as well as the first one- had to get stuck FOUR
times. Also have gained almost 3lbs by their count. Gotta get back on
track!

Sent from Angie's' iPhone

Vacation is going well... Did some shopping today and bought two really nice dresses from Nordstrom. They're plus size - one is 1x and the other is a 20 cause of my stupid boobs, but they look nice and I'm excited about them.  Eating isn't quite out of control, but it's not far from it.  I really don't feel much restriction, and am struggling a LOT with my parents.  My mom ALWAYS has something to say about my food choices, and even when she manages to not say them out loud, she gives me a certain look, or moves the bread basket away or something... Grr.

Anyways, I have been working out again, which is good! My arms are so sore I can't even lift my nephew!!

More when I'm back home.

xox
angie

Hi everybody! Florida is great, and I just had the most intense workout ever of all time ever, but I'll save that for another blog entry. This one is about boys. I was talking to Bridget (aka SkinnyBiddy) today about guys... I think that at least for myself, I have had to get over the mind-set as a fat girl that I should go for or accept the advances of any guy who shows interest in me... because who knows when the next one will come along. It's not a good mindset to be in, and it's put me at a place with guys which is... Kinda not the best. But I know that the mind needs to change, and I also know, because of what our society values, as we all shrink there will be more interest and attention lavished upon us. Which is great. But that makes keeping it all in mind even more important. Here's what I said to Bridg...

Angie *This is not my kind of danger, Taking candy from a stranger...* says: (6:32:59 PM)
boys are like shoes.
you have to try them on before you buy.
you can try to buy them online, but you really never know if they truly fit right before you have the chance to wear em in person.
you'll try on so many pairs of shoes in your life, but buy only a fraction of what you try on.
there will be shoes that fit, and look great, but just don't feel right.
just because a shoe fits doesn't mean it fits in your life, and just because a boy might show interest in you, doesn't mean you don't have the right to reserve judgment.

I can't take full credit for the shoe theory, my therapist kinda said it to me... But I think it's an important reminder for anyone like me through this journey.

xox
ange

So I've been watching video blogs on youtube today, found this great one made by a girl who was around my age when she got banded, Ashley. I've only watched till about one-month post-op so far, but she's feeling so much that I relate to. She also posted a video she made with the guy she was just just starting to see, about how it is to date someone who was just banded... I really enjoyed it, found it incredibly candid... So I thought I'd share.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMwVXZxk27o&feature=channel_page

xox
ange

p.s. i'm afraid i'm not gonna reach the goal of 240 by friday... I'm back up to 242.8 this am. My body just doesn't want to lose. BAH.

And I just received the BEST one yet.

So I have issues with guys. I will be the first to admit it. I tend to go for really good looking assholes. It never turns out how I want it to. I really hope this doesn't like... Offend anyone, but for some reason I have this HUGE complex forming about how a guys will feel about my weight in the future... As in would it be a deterrent for a guy I were to date.... I know it shouldn't, I know if anything they should be proud of me for having lost the weight... But I just can't seem to let this go... When I've spoken to a few friends about it they kinda look at me like I'm rediculous... And so I decided to give it to the men of the world. I posted something on the women seeking men section of Toronto's craigslist. I posted pretty much that I knew that some people would be assholes with their responses -which a few have. I posted that I've lost a good amount of weight, and still have an even bigger amount to go... "Would it matter to you? Matter that I was at one point, 100 lbs overweight? Would you want to know after you had dated me a while? You'd probably figure it out, from old pics on facebook... I don't know. For some reason this has become a big like emotional block with this, and I'd love some... Non total asshole responses." And I got some. Some great ones. Ones saying that it'd matter and they would be impressed and proud. Others saying as long as it was in the past, they wouldn't mind. Ones saying that they'd rather date me cause I'd look like a hot girl but would have the heart of a fat girl... Haha he said it nicer than I did. I don't know why I have this emotional block going on, but I'm glad I let some guys talk some sense into me... it seems to be helping a bit.


edit: my favourite response so far:
"Having been "overweight" is not like having been a dude or the town bicycle or something horrific my bets most guys would find it a turn on that you had the internal motivation to do this for yourself and see it through."

another good one:
"Anyways i hope you meet your weight loss goals, become smoking hot and have so many guys wanting you that you don't know what to do with them."

haha... this has been a fun activity for a boring night home alone. this and watching elizabethtown. that orlando bloom sure is pretty.
xoxox
ange

I almost just recorded another video instead of typing this out right now because I'm lazy, but then I thought to myself that typing may burn a few more calories.  The first fill went just fine.  I actually got to the Mississauga area wayyyyyy too early, so I decided to drive south and sure enough I hit the lake.  Now for Bridget or Amy who live at least somewhat near beautiful beaches (I'm sorry if I'm having a geographic brain fart and someone else should be on that list) this may not seem so exciting, but today was a beautiful 15 degrees (59 for the Americans) and sunny and lovely.  Toronto is on Lake Ontario, but I never ever go down there, cause it's really polluted and gross downtown.  But over in Mississauga, it actually was quite beautiful! Here are some pics I took with my iPhone. Swinging on the swings! The pretty view from a gazebo.