On Men, Dating, and Weight Loss

Losing weight has really made a lot of aspects of my life easier. Exercise. Clothing shopping. Guys. Well... Kind of.

Sure it's easier to meet guys. It's easier to find guys to make out with. Cause all I ever do, of course, is make out. Whether it is because I am much more confident, or just plain more attractive is debatable, is unclear. I think it's a combination of the two, bur regardless there is a marked change. When I'm at the bar, men talk to me. My guy friends consider me as someone to set up with their (idiotic) friends. I am on OKCupid and get at least one message a day that I ignore. I hope this doesn't sound high on myself. I don't mean it to. All I'm saying is attracting men has gotten easier.

But finding one I want to be with long term? Finding a keeper? No easier. In the past month or so I've gone on a bunch of first dates. Enough to make me wonder whether I'm too picky or not ready or what. They've been mostly nice guys, and I could never quite pin-point what was "wrong" with them - just that that intangible it wasn't there. And girls, we need it. I know it's not easy to find, and I know I can't expect it come immediately, but I'm just realizing how hard it is. And how I think that, on a certain level, I expected it to be easy.

Since starting this weight loss journey, I've had one more serious, if convoluted long-distance relationship (HI BEN!), and one more casual one. I don't regret either, and learned important lessons about myself and what I'm looking for. I've met tons of other guys, and I've certainly kissed a lot of frogs.

One thing that has changed is I no longer blame my lack of romantic success of myself or my weight. When I ended things with Matt because he wasn't ready to take what we had to the next level, I didn't feel like it was because I was too fat or not worthy. I knew it was because he's an immature guy and shit happens. That's a major change for me, and one I'll take and celebrate.

I know how young I am, and I know the right thing will come along some day... For now I'll just keep wading my way through the frogs.


Southern Belle said...

Eventually the frogs will part and a real man will show up! Meanwhile enjoy the dating and the attention, you deserve it!!

Gilly said...

Sweetness, here's some advice from someone who's been around a little longer than you: your 20's are for learning and experiencing. I actually think it should be illegal to pair off for life in your 20's. You don't know enough! That said, have fun attracting men. Learn your power. Use it. Become who you're going to be, because it is going to be mindblowing!

DiZneDiVa said...

You will find it when you're not looking.... and you have time. Enjoy the dating scene, be treated like the princess that you are... and Someday your prince will come...*Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Check out my blog at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

Stephanie F. said...

It's true, when you stop looking Mr. Right will find you! Have fun and enjoy your youth!

Sherry said...

I'm with Gilly (SHOCKING!). But I HAVE been exactly in your shoes. I got down to my goal weight for awhile and when one of the frogs of the day didn't work out, I was finally able to honestly KNOW the problem wasn't my weight and that felt so good and mentally healthy. I'm glad you are in that place and know that it will open the romantic doors for you -- but definitely don't spend your 20s (especially your EARLY twenties!) "looking" for Mr. Right. Enjoy yourself and get some stories in your pocket. You'll need them when you're in your 30s, married, with a screaming toddler and feeling nostalgic about having no responsibilities, weekend plans that don't include a 2 year old's birthday party and, of course, making out in a bar with some random cute guy. Have fun. Know you are wonderful.

Nicole said...

Enjoying having FUN while you can :)Love you

Gail said...

Hey I have nominated you for a blog award! Thanks for being the person that you are.

Blossom said...

I'm hoping with my weight loss, it'll give me more confidence to get out there to meet the men, at least. But we definitely shouldn't settle, and I'm glad you haven't. As mentioned, have fun in your 20s! (I wish I'd just dated around & had fun then). Everyone always tells me, when you least expect it you'll meet Mr. Right.

Bonnie said...

I have a man, but would enjoy some attention from the opposite sex. I wouldn't give him up for anything, but it would be nice to feel confident enough to flirt once in a while. Or get flirted with. Hope you find that special someone soon.

Kate said...

Now if this post doesn't get me up in the morning to work out, I don't know what will. Yay for having fun and making out with cute boys. I got married at 22, big mistake as I am going through a divorce! Enjoy it, have fun!

Beth said...

I nominated you for an award!!! http://bethyboo285thenewyou.blogspot.com/2010/09/blogger-awards.html
XOXO - beth

Beth said...

I am in the same boat as you ... this whole dating thing blows. If you know sexand the city, I feel like Charlotte and that episode where she says shes been dating for 20 years where is he!! I havent been dating that long, but I am jsut ready to fall in love (corn factor is on high I know). I too thought losing the weight would = instant getting whatever I want in the man department - if only it were that easy

Joey said...

I think I used to like having the weight to blame. Because good forbid it be my brain. I couldn't handle that.

Try not to take it too seriously and you'll find the ball is in your court.

My brother told me never to date anyone under 28. It's pretty much true - they are pretty much idiots until then ;)

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
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Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
100 lbs down!!

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