Perfect... A loooong Vlog

13 comments:

Alexis said...

First of all...I love NPR too :) Always interesting topics to listen to.

We all tend to be our toughest critics so I totally understand how you at times can beat yourself up. However, it doesn't change how frustrating it can be when you have the inner conflict.

You know how all of us feel about you...we love you and think you are fantastic...just as you are (I just watched Bridget Jones last night and that is my favorite line!). But, we can all hear that over and over and it doesn't do good until you believe it and are happy with it. I know you showed some interest in that book I posted about yesterday so I'm sending it to you when I'm finished with it cause I think you'll find some good insight in it.

On the show, one of the things that the gal that had lost all the weight said she strove for the first time and which ultimately led her to never being happy about her weight loss was that she never really did it for her. Well, she started off initially doing it for her, and then when she got compliments and really started getting noticed she stated that it became about who else could she impress, and thinking about what outfit she could wear to make her look thinner so people would notice her, etc, etc. I can't remember exactly the ways in which she changed her mentality with that, but I will find out when I read the book.

Anyways...this is getting too long. I <3 you and am always around via email or facebook if you ever want to chat :)

Carmen said...

whew! great vlog! it sucks that you are going through a rough time, but on the other hand it is awesome that you recognize where you have "issues" and how to pull yourself up. to me, the word "perfect" is undefineable because it is so different from situation to situation. do what is right for numero uno...YOU. :-) xoxo

Bandita Senorita said...

This is very intuitive.

At the same time you are having these struggles though, I agree with Alexis' Bridgette Jones'-inspired quote: "You are fantastic...just as you are" in my eyes.

I hope you have a fun weekend.

Lots of love from Florida!!

Brooke said...

Oy, lots to say.... Lots to think about. Am struggling, too, today.

I totally get the new found pressure to be perfect... or maybe it's an old pressure I always felt but felt so defeated that whenever the impulse to be perfect came up I "ate it away"? In any case, it's strange how I expect more of myself these days....

Angie- I know you can't hear this today/right now- but you are gonna be okay. You are going to get to a low and stable weight that is healthy and thin (I know that's not PC but I at the end of the day, we all want to be considered thin, right?) and you'll settle in there and make peace with all this stuff.

I know that because I started reading your blog a long time ago and I have followed along as you grew on the inside. You're so much more aware now- I even notice you're able to pinpoint your emotions more and get to the root of stuff quickly. And I don't think that's about age. I think that's about work- you've done A LOT of work on the inside, as much as you have on the outside.

You're so strong and smart and you will get to a place where your weight and food and all the shit that being 270 lbs brings leaves you... for good.

Luvs ya- enjoy your night, B

Linda said...

Angie - I understand exactly what you are going through - when we are overweight we allow ourselves to not have or accept expectations, be they self imposed or put upon us. As we lose the weight they start to build back up and it can be overwhelming.
You have done tremendously and I think in time you will find a way to accept yourself as you are- wonderful and imperfect.

Amy W. said...

How many times do I tell you that I am so proud of you! I feel like I do it every damn day, but what is a mama to do.

I was proud when you posted tummy pics.

I was proud when you posted your struggles the other day...

And I am proud that you put all this out here. I was glad to hear you say that you know there isn't perfection...I just don't think you believe it yet. But I think you will get there. When you are in your 20's, and single, and getting more fabulous...I understand the focus, need, desire, and longing to have that MTV Spring Break body.

I love you. Keep blogging. Keep being honest.

andy said...

hEY! What you said really made a lot of sense to me and I totally understand how you feel.

Leslee said...

Very insightful Angie. I feel like you and I have a very similar thought process and need to be "perfect". Maybe it's our age and that we are facing a lot of the same things in our lives right now who knows. But if one could cut and paste a vlog and put their own face/voice into it I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Nicole said...

Angie! I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. For me a switch flips and I am totally obsessed with losing and feel sometimes I have less self confidence then when I weighed 243lbs.There needs to be a balance, I would love to find it :)

AND PS Ange that lipstick I must have! What color/brand?!?

Steph said...

I love this! You really made me think. And you were my "blog that spoke to me" for my BYOC post this week. :-) XOXO

Dinnerland said...

Everyone said it all! I just want to give you a hug and agree that you will work this through eventually and that it is totally great that you are thinking deeply and allowing yourself to have whatever reactions you need to get yourself to the best place for you.

Southern Belle said...

I am so glad you did this VLOG, it is so nice knowing that I am not the only one who feels this immense pressure to be perfect. The perfect employee,girlfriend, person and the perfect bandster. I feel like I should be losing more weight, getting more muscle definition. I am not enjoying the moment because I am already thinking about the next weigh in and next workout....I hope that you can see how amazing you are and how wonderfully you have done. Thanks again for posting this.

Catherine55 said...

Hey there! I just posted this link on Amy's blog and thought you'd like to see it too. http://sheshrinks.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2007-01-21T00%3A48%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=20

This is the blog of a bandster I was following (until she stopped posting). That link will get you to a page showing how incredible her plastic surgery results were (and there are bikini pics later). Take a look at her before photo. I think you'll be surprised to see just how close to your idea of "perfect" a bit of plastic surgery can get you. (But don't go Heidi Montag on us, please!) :)

Catherine

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
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Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
100 lbs down!!

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