Not what I need to be worrying about...

So this morning I went to the gym for a personal training session with Julie. A few minutes into our session she asked me who knows about the band. I told her - my mom and dad, one brother, my sister-in-law, and some of my friends. She then told me that she didn't think my cousin Rachel knew. She hadn't spilled the beans, but had something she wanted to tell me- something that might upset me.

Apparently Rachel, along with two of my friends here, have been discussing my weight-loss, and they think I'm bulimic. Julie, who knew better, tried to reassure her that she really didn't think that was the case, that in general bulimics don't lose a lot of weight, etc. But Rachel's noticed that I have to go to the bathroom a lot during meals, and has drawn her own conclusions.

I don't know what to do. Rachel is my cousin and we're very close, but at the same time she has a bigger than big mouth, and I am just not comfortable with the idea of my band getting out, getting passed down a family gossip line, and coming out my drunken grandmother's mouth at a family event. She'd certainly be upset to find out I had kept this from her, but at the same time she'd have to know that her being a gossip isn't news - she told me when another cousin was pregnant way before that cousin was 3 months along, etc.

At the same time... I don't like them thinking I'm making myself sick, and I don't like that people are talking behind my back. I feel like... It's just so not fair. Like... Ugh. I don't even know what to say. I'm upset and frustrated.

So what do I do? Do I tell her and hope she can keep it in, do I keep the secret and try harder not to get stuck? Poop. As if I didn't have enough to worry about...

xox.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi, I just got banded and am also a displaced Canadian. I've been going through your posts and I wanted to say, I am grateful for your candidness and honesty.

This I totally understand. I have an extended family that loves to talk and I'm not sharing my band news with any of them. My immediate family was enough!

If you don't mind me saying, I'd say don't tell your cousin. You've lost 70 lbs. 70 whole freaking pounds! I think you're awesome! No one can take that away from you.

Talk to her and tell her that so and so let you know that she is concerned about you and maybe tell her a half truth. Start off with that you've been dieting and working out which is why you've lost the amount that you have. And since you've been doing this for as long as you have, your stomach has shrunk because you aren't eating the same amounts as you used to. And because of that when you eat too fast it gets stuck and it hurts, so you need to walk around a bit.

If she still thinks your bulimic, then that's up to her, but you have at least said something to put her straight. Plus you have people backing you up. Try not to fret over this. Your wl is so awesome and I'm hoping that I will be able to lose and be happy as you seem to be.

Robyn said...

I don't think you should worry about it too much. If they approach you (which they eventually will if they are seriously worried...otherwise they are just gossipping and probably jealous) just reassure them you are losing weight the healthy way. I don't think you should tell people just to satisfy their curiosity about your weight. It's a personal thing and completely up to you who you tell.

I can kind of relate becauase a few years ago I lost about 70 lbs on my own. I found out that people were talking about me, making tons of speculations about how I lost it and many were seriously conviced that I had secretly had gastric bypass. I brushed it off, really it isn't their business.

The Dash! said...

Ahh Angie..
Don't situations like this just rear up and bite you us the bum. You know, I was thinking along the same line as anonymous. Just tell a half-truth (it might also shock her into shutting up since it got back to you that she's been discussing you behind your back instead of just talking to you about it.. this is what I hate even more.. the talking..argh! Just be straight and all is good.)
The diet, exercise and now shrunken stomach is a good one. I would say go for that. Nothing worse than fessing up about something (your band) only to have people who can't keep things quiet again talking about it when you're not around.
Good luck hon.. let us know what you have decided.

pookie said...

I say don't tell either! I was just the victim of gossip at work...right before my band was placed last week...it is no fun and if the people aren't doing it out of utter concern then they do not deserve to know.

Amy W. said...

What! I didnt know that you werent an open big mouth about the band like me! all be darned! Well you know me, I say tell! Tell and if drunk gma asks you about it, tell her too!

Either that or who cares! But the only way to stop gossip is to tell the truth. Beat them to the punch.

Whatever you decide, I have your back, and I will beat up whoever you need me to.

momma2fi said...

I say that if you want to ease her concerns, then I would simply say that you had heard that she had concerns about your weight loss, and that she suspected bulimia. Then I would assure her that you are NOT bulimic, that you appreciate her concerns, and that you are losing weight in a healthy way. You are not vomiting up your food. And, quite honestly, I think that is all you need to say, unless you wanted to say that you would like her support in this weight loss journey. This is no one elses business, but since she is family, I would simply ease her fears. My two cents.

Liz - Lizzle - Libby Lou said...

I agree w/ above comments. Either tell the full truth or a half truth. I totally understand having a family member you love but has a gigantic mouth. My sister is like this. However we've both always struggled w/ weight so she knew I was considering it for a few years. I told her about it up front but never stipulated to keep her mouth shut. As a fellow overweight person, I assumed she would know that until I had some success I wanted to keep it to myself and avoid the negative opinions.

SHE DIDN'T. She told some extended family, all her friends (she and most of my fam live in Ark I'm in Az) and she even told a bunch of gossipers at her church. She said one said "so I was telling soandso about your surgery..." and I FLIPPED OUT! I was like 3 wks post op and was still very sensitive about it. I told her right there how inconsiderate she was and it was very rude and disrespectful for her to assume she could run her mouth about MY IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS that have nothing to do with her. She was shocked! I told her my life stuff wasn't like every other piece of garbage that fell out of her mouth, she needed to quit talking about me.

She was shocked and we didn't talk for weeks. She told mom that she "thought" I'd be proud and outspoken like I am with everyhting else in my life. At that point so new to the idea and process I was still really concerned with people labeling me a "failure" for giving up and taking the "easy way out", which we all know is false.

So, for me I ended up posting on facebook and myspace so the rest of my friends and family could hear it straight from me. I also said "you can keep any negative comments to yourself. thanks!". So, I hope you find a solution to this problem that YOU can be happy with. I'm much more open about it now then I was then b/c I know how much work this is and it's NOT EASY.

Roo said...

I am on the fence about telling everybody yet, but I am sure there will come a time that I will annouce it to the world...when I feel like I haven't fail at this...

Seeing that she a family member (and not just a bunch of girls at the gym) I would approach her on the quiet and ask why she hadn't approached you with the concerns instead of babbling on to others (whom are probably just jealous!) and then put her straight that you are not bulimic and that she should be proud that you are losing the weight and leading a healthier lifestyle and that in future, she should come to you first out of respect!

I have been a victim of terrible gossip back in my school days and it affected me terribly..I hate gossip! and that is one thing people notice about me...I don't gossip (I might listen to it occassionaly, but it never gets repeated and I never get involved!)

You need to nip this in the bud, because if she is discussing you with gym people, she is more than likely discussing it with the family members!

AimmeJo said...

First of all - YOU LOOK AWESOME! I've been off the blog and missed you last few posts, but who knew what a difference a few pounds would make? It really shows.

Now. This drama. I have to tell you that before I read your post I couldn't really understand why some bandster keep it hush, hush. But I think I get it now.

I've got to say how sorry I am that you and others don't have the full support you need from your friends and family. I had my roommate throw it in my face that I had the band - she's not family though and I couldn't imagine how it would have felt if she were.

I say keep your business however you think you should. If granny gets loose lush-lips and your cuz can't address you directly with her concerns, screw 'em. Your immediate family's opinions are the ones you value obviously.

Regardless of whatever the reasons are, some people can't stand still and let others be happy. If you want to tell, do it in your own time - not under duress of gossip.

That's my opinion.

Stacie said...

I think that if you do not want to tell her then don't. If she is really concerned that something may be wrong with you, why doesn't she come and ask you. There is no need for you to worry. Just keep doing what you are doing, and try to not let other hinder your progress.

Bandita Senorita said...

I agree with Aimme Jo, Stacie, Roo, and Momma2fi: she doesn't deserve to know anything right now. Call her out on the gossip, tell her you're not bulimic, and only tell about the band only when and if YOU decide YOU want her to know. My family members are like that too. NONE of them know because they have such big mouths and are complete gossipers. They will trash talk if I don't lose quickly or don't lose enough. This includes my mother. I don't need all that pressure and negativity. I'm sure you don't either. It is so frustrating that there are so many people like this out there! ARGH!!! I wish we didn't have to deal with it.

Catherine55 said...

I'm a little late coming to this, but wanted to give you my advice anyway. Don't tell your cousin about the band. It will just give her something else to gossip about behind your back.

I would, however, call her out on the BS about saying you are bulemic -- and in a public place no less. It's inappropriate, careless, harmful and hurtful for her to make accusations about this behind your back and to spread rumors when she doesn't know what the F she is talking about.

If she says "but I was just concerned for you," call her out on her BS. If she was concerned for you, the APPROPRIATE thing would be to talk to you about it, not to spread gossip behind your back.

I would also be sure to lay a big guilt trip on her by saying that losing weight and sticking to your program is hard enough as it is. --That you are busting your @$$ to make positive, healthy changes for your own life, and that you are surprised that she wants to turn this into some kind of negative thing -- especially since she must see the different choices you are making, between food and the gym.

Hang in there. Definitely don't tell her because then, the next topic of gossip will be what you're eating and how you are doing. No need to invite the Food Police to your Bandster Ball. :)

xoxoxo,

Catherine

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
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A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
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