Warning, this will be very stream of consciousness. I'm out of practice.
Wow. It has been years since I blogged. I don't even recognize this fancy new blogger layout.
I was killing time today and decided to log on here and see how some old friends were doing. I know I dropped off the face of the bandster universe when I left, and I think that was really important at the time.
I remember fearing my identity was too tied to my weight-loss, and I feared never feeling like I could have a different title.
I have many new titles. Manager. Social Media Maven (I blog for the moneys now!) Fiance. Boss.
It's amazing how far my life has come since WLS. I was banded more than four years ago, on March 4, 2009. I weight 269lbs then. I think. How do I not remember?
I weight 130lbs now. For real. For real. Sometimes when I type it, I still can't believe it. The last 10-15 were the hardest, taking place over the past year or so.
It's crazy to be engaged now, not worrying about fitting in to sample sizes. Because I am trying to maintain not lose my weight, I don't think about my eating too often. I can eat out in restaurants. Everyone is used to my small portions - my new employees and coworkers just think I'm a skinny girl who eats as such. I freaked them out when I showed them my before pictures.
I do struggle with body dysmorphia lately, which is what takes me back here. I still play the am I smaller or bigger than her game, but I am always wrong. I know that I go into stores and buy a size 4 skirt or even the miraculous size zero shorts (I swear it's a misprint) but I still don't see myself as skinny. I don't see myself as someone who someone else wouldn't refer to as "the bigger girl."
It's a struggle for me and also for Adam, my fiance. He is so wonderful and supportive, but he also never knew me big, so I think sometimes has trouble understanding why it's all such a big deal.
I've taken a positive step - I've reached out to a few therapists to start some cognitive behavioural therapy to get myself more in touch with my lucky, happy reality.
Mini-Goals and Statistics
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
100 lbs down!!