Now that we’ve had a couple of days to decompress and process, I feel ready to write about the insane experience that was Chicago. It was so many things. It was so fun to get to know the women who have been along this journey with me from the start. I feel like I didn’t get to know as many people as I wanted to, but like others have mentioned I had to prioritize a bit. I am a student and I won’t be going on any vacations for a while, so it was important to me to spend time with certain people, get my drink on, get my shop on, get my drink on some more... And my make-out on.
It was also totally overwhelming. I work in hospitality, I certainly know how to turn it on. I know how to be engaged and friendly. It's not fake, but I can do it even if I'm feeling crazy. I felt bad about not remembering everyone's face and name. So I did what was easy for me - surround myself with the girls I felt supported by and then got into a smaller group that felt less anxiety provoking for me.
One experience that was really strange for me was realizing how well people know me, how much of what I share on my blog and in vlogs is relevant and memorable to people. How invested people can be in our lives. It’s a good reminder and a funny one, I guess when I write I think of the people who comment, and the people I know quite well as my readers, but not necessarily the 200+ followers and hundreds more readers I have. I feel bad that I didn’t know everyone as well, but I think part of this is that I’m a bit further on in my journey.
Weight loss is no longer the focus of my life. I was really worried about going to Chicago this weekend and having it take my life back over. I struggle with being nice to myself, be patient with myself, not beat myself up for not being perfect, for not losing weight. I have managed lately, by distancing myself from everything from the gym to the blogs to the scale, to find a bit of balance. I was so scared of falling back into bad patterns.
Having said all that, I’m so glad I went. The experience we have shared is one that most people in my day to day life can’t begin to relate to. You can’t quite explain what it’s like to have lost a significant amount of weight. Or to feel like your outsides are finally reflecting your insides. Joey and I had a really nice chat about how I feel like I have become the person I was supposed to be - the stuff in the middle was developmentally important, but this girl, not the big one, this is the real me. I feel like more often than not now, I am the best version of myself - the one you could only catch glimpses at when I was big.
If I’m not around as much sometimes, know it’s not cause I don’t care about you, and know I’m always on Facebook or reachable by comment if you need some love and advice. If I’m not here, know it’s because I am out there, living my life holistically, not just as Angie in Repair.
I’ll be sure to keep you all updated on plastics though!
Mini-Goals and Statistics
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
100 lbs down!!