Reflections on Chicago...

Now that we’ve had a couple of days to decompress and process, I feel ready to write about the insane experience that was Chicago. It was so many things. It was so fun to get to know the women who have been along this journey with me from the start. I feel like I didn’t get to know as many people as I wanted to, but like others have mentioned I had to prioritize a bit. I am a student and I won’t be going on any vacations for a while, so it was important to me to spend time with certain people, get my drink on, get my shop on, get my drink on some more... And my make-out on.

It was also totally overwhelming. I work in hospitality, I certainly know how to turn it on. I know how to be engaged and friendly. It's not fake, but I can do it even if I'm feeling crazy. I felt bad about not remembering everyone's face and name. So I did what was easy for me - surround myself with the girls I felt supported by and then got into a smaller group that felt less anxiety provoking for me.

One experience that was really strange for me was realizing how well people know me, how much of what I share on my blog and in vlogs is relevant and memorable to people. How invested people can be in our lives. It’s a good reminder and a funny one, I guess when I write I think of the people who comment, and the people I know quite well as my readers, but not necessarily the 200+ followers and hundreds more readers I have. I feel bad that I didn’t know everyone as well, but I think part of this is that I’m a bit further on in my journey.

Weight loss is no longer the focus of my life. I was really worried about going to Chicago this weekend and having it take my life back over. I struggle with being nice to myself, be patient with myself, not beat myself up for not being perfect, for not losing weight. I have managed lately, by distancing myself from everything from the gym to the blogs to the scale, to find a bit of balance. I was so scared of falling back into bad patterns.

Having said all that, I’m so glad I went. The experience we have shared is one that most people in my day to day life can’t begin to relate to. You can’t quite explain what it’s like to have lost a significant amount of weight. Or to feel like your outsides are finally reflecting your insides. Joey and I had a really nice chat about how I feel like I have become the person I was supposed to be - the stuff in the middle was developmentally important, but this girl, not the big one, this is the real me. I feel like more often than not now, I am the best version of myself - the one you could only catch glimpses at when I was big.

If I’m not around as much sometimes, know it’s not cause I don’t care about you, and know I’m always on Facebook or reachable by comment if you need some love and advice. If I’m not here, know it’s because I am out there, living my life holistically, not just as Angie in Repair.

I’ll be sure to keep you all updated on plastics though!

xoxox
Ange

16 comments:

Nicole said...

great post.. I love you with all of my heart xo we will always have chi town baby!

Joey said...

I'm so glad we got to hang out, even if it was brief. Luckily we could talk fast enough that we packed a wallop into one evening. I love that you are totally Angie.....just more so. I hope you are someone I know for the rest of my days. xoxo

Jenny said...

Everytime I read a post like this its as if I could have written it. It was amazing to meet you and I hope we can do it again.1

Alexis said...

Beautiful post lady. Have I ever mentioned how much I fucking love you (pardon my french) :)

andy said...

in all the pictures you look like your having so much fun...you look so happy and incredible

Nella said...

Excellent post baby!

Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

Enjoy life, that is why we got our bands, so we couldbe healthy and happy and live our lifes normally, I LOVE that weight doesn't consume you anymore, where you are is where I someday strive to be (baby steps for me though). Don't feel guilty regret stepping out of blog world because you are Angie, not I'm in repair - you are not just a former fatty who has lost half of herself, you are a beautiful, vivacious, intelligent woman who should get to learn and grow and live like every other young woman.

Plus if I need you I will just facebook stalk ;)

1reign (Mimi) said...

This is a great post because ultimately that should be our goal right? To not let our weight be all consuming because that's what we are trying to escape, being held hostage. So do your thing and stop by and let us know how you are from time to time, we do still need you because you are inspiring.

Gen said...

I love that your life is no longer ruled by weight loss. This is totally my goal. And sometimes I feel like I need to step away from the blogs and all the rest and just live.

I wish I had more time to talk to you, it was too short! You look even more beautiful in person.

Jacquie said...

You are adorable Angie and when I look at you, you look like you've been thin forever. You are young so you better be enjoying your life and having fun! I'm glad I met you...you are as sweet in person as you are in your blog!

Steph said...

It was great to meet you and I appreciated the advice. I truly enjoyed my vodka tonic after we talked! :-)

Liz said...

Hi girl!

Thanks for the comment...I feel like I am getting there, day by day. All of the blogs are sooo helpful...they kinda keep my head from bugging out when I can read back and see that all these people who have been so successful all struggled like this as first too.

The band that's coming isn't my fave fave, just a bunch of guys who are awesome and lots of fun, too. They're a band from GA called Ponderosa.

Canadian Bird said...

Good for you! That's what progress is all about. It was awesome meeting you & I hope you'll come again next year! Can't wait to get a plastics update!
Blessings,
Robin at Band on the Run

Colls said...

Beautiful post, Angie! Wish I was able to be there. There are few people that are key to my blogging experience and you are def one of them!

I love that you are finally at a point where you can be distracted. The band has a way of taking over our lives. <3

Kristin said...

What a great post. And I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like the person you're meant to be. It was so nice to meet you, you are lovely and sweet and funny. Take care, stop back to update us when you get a chance!

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
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Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
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