I know this. I know that almost everything in life takes time, and everything good will be worth waiting for. However, I'm just having trouble waiting for it all. I will start seeing a therapist again on the 18th, and I'm really looking forward to discussing why nothing is enough for me.
I lost .2 lbs between yesterday and today. Nothing huge, but part of the bigger picture it's solid progress. But it's making me crazy. Crazy enough that I went and worked out, and waited to eat to see if it would go down, but it didn't. Working out is great, but the way I'm framing it is kind of freaking me out.
I just want to feel alright with myself already. I do feel SO much better now than I did at 270, but I'm still not comfortable. Which is fine - I'm also not stopping any time soon. But... I think that until I find myself at a weight that I think as acceptable, I find it impossible to believe someone could truly find me attractive. It's especially a struggle because I'm starting to annoy people. My sister in law and best friends are trying to be more patient with me, but I think they're starting to think I'm fishing for compliments or something when I ask if I think that guy could genuinely like me. I just don't see it. I see how I look better in clothes. How my size XL jean jacket not only fits but zips up. But my body? Acceptable, let alone attractive? Unheard of. And I hate that. I want to be cool and empowered and love myself no matter my size. But I don't.
In good news, I've been able to not drink and to work out every day in the past few, and that makes me feel a bit better.
Mini-Goals and Statistics
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
100 lbs down!!