Praying for Mojo

So I weighed 170 this morning. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. 170.

That's 17lbs up from my lowest weight, a little less than 3 months ago.  I just can't believe that this is happening. Except I can. I don't have proper restriction, I can't work-out as hard as I want.

I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I am trying to fix it - despite the fact that I cannot afford it at all, I'm going home this weekend. I'm getting a fill on Tuesday. I'm gonna make it a big one. I need my band back.

It's so weird - I don't feel like... I don't like hate how I look this time around. I just hate feeling so lost and out of control.

11 comments:

Liz said...

Oh sweetie...big big hugs. The fill will get you back to where you want to, and can be!

Catherine55 said...

Am sending you mojo assistance vibes right NOW!! Don't stress about this too much. Just get your fill and get back on the wagon. The beauty is that this weight is going to fall right off you, so you'll have the satisfaction of having lots of SVs during the weeks to come.

Darlin1 said...

I agree with the other comments---Don't stress---after the fill you'll be back!!

Bandita Senorita said...

I'm completely unfilled right now too, and it's definitely annoying. But hang in there. The fill will get you back on track!

Linda said...

You know you need a fill and that will get you back. I know it must be frustrating, but hang in there. I'll send you all the mojo I have.

Jess said...

You'll be ok. I am in the 170's and it's not so bad but I sure would like to be in the 150's already!

Hoping your fill will do the trick for you!

Bonnie said...

Sorry to hear, but know that the fill will get you back on track.

Nicole said...

I love you! Sending you some Mojo..I am sure the fill will help

Gen said...

Fill away. You will get right back there! xoxoxo

Joey said...

EXACTLY! I hate feeling out of control. Like I'm spiraling and my disorder (or whatever) is winning. Sometimes I think we are the same person.

I think it's the exercise. You need a fill, very true. But if you are like me, and I think you just might be, workouts give you such a feeling of power and control that you eating habits fall in line.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Go look at one of your before pictures and remind yourself how far you have come. 17 pounds is cinchy for a dynamo like you!

Love you girlie!

Dinnerland said...

You'll get there... I am sure that your surgery has done all sorts of havoc with your hormones and water retention and whatever.
Try to be mild mannered in your approach-- maybe-- instead of desperate.
You will get the weight off! Hang in there...

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
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Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
100 lbs down!!

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