Balance...
Hello Everyone,
Sorry I haven't been updating as much lately. Lately I find that I just don't have a ton going on that seems blog-worthy. I continue to weigh somewhere around 160. I continue to work out. I continue to eat pretty well but not perfectly. Life is very comfortable at this weight and place, and I could happily stay here as a goal weight. I am looking to push to get a bit more weight off, only because I know that daily ice-cream isn't necessary, and although my workouts have been good they'll be more consistent once I'm back in Vermont. So maybe another 10ish lbs, but really, no pressure... And for now, not much effort.
WHICH IS WEIRD. I'm really not making any major efforts to lose weight right now. Have any of ever even uttered the phrase? Had the thought cross your mind? I am one of those people who was overweight my entire life, I have never been at a healthy/happy weight before, at least not since before puberty. It's a nice feeling, but I've noticed it has made a difference socially.
Everyone is used to me being on a diet. Even when I was my biggest and never actually losing, I'd be willing to chat Weight Watchers or carbs or protein - I had tried it all before. But I think I am sick of it. Maybe because our journey as bandsters is different than anyone else's, because I still want to hear your stories. But I'm sick of watching girls complain about their weight and eat diet food. I hate diet food. I hate seeing someone eat four skinny cows instead of one real ice cream cone. I was at a friend's cottage this week. She is a girl who has gained and lost a great deal of weight over the years, and finds herself about 40-50lbs up on her 5'2 frame in the past year or so. I was always bigger than her. She is now clearly bigger than me. It's a shift in dynamic for sure, but in a way, I don't know that she fully sees it. She kept questioning my food choices and wanting to buy processed fake food, and I had to finally say to her "I'm not eating with weight-loss in mind. I work out almost every day. My body is burning calories, you make your choices, I'll make mine." I survived the mid-week weekend with her, but did find myself almost overeating to just prove to her how now controlled by my diet I was - erghhhh/head-desk!
Has anyone else experienced this - the boredom with diet culture or the friend who struggles to see us as someone other than the "fat-friend?"
Happy Fourth to all my friends in America, and Happy Pride to everyone who celebrates it!
This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
13 comments:
I so agree about being done with diet food(which is usually artificial).I'd like to say that the fat friend thing goes away as you get older, but I've started to get weird dynamics with women at work now too.
When you are older I think there is less dynamics with "fat friend" syndrome. I think there is more focus on just getting healthy. I don't miss those younger days. :)
That is the beauty of the band..the focus in more on portion size and protein, rather than diet foods. I remember those days of eating a half dozen WW ice cream bars. This is so much healthier and realistic. You are at a good place to understand all of that now. :) Have a great holiday weekend.
I never buy diet food. I feel there is so much more crap in it to make it DIET!
When anyone mentions diet food to me, I'm almost insulted. I KNOW where diet food got me... really super duper fat. I love to eat whatever I want, especially in front of people who I feel are critical. I KNOW what my band helps me with, and more importantly what it allows me. Adjusting to the world as a previously obese person is challenging and interesting. I'm sure you handled it with grace and compassion.
I totally agree with you, I am sick of diets and the lastest fad diet! I dont think age matters there will always be that dynamic to a degree with some friends..I think it's a female thing.. she proberly felt threatened and envious to a degree that you are in such a great place, whilst being in denial about where she is at!! I cant wait to be in the place your in where for the first time since I was 10yo I am not thinking about weight loss and diet food! xxxx
I agree with you on the diet food thing -- I think it is evil and the root cause of the rise in obesity in this country.
As for the fat friend thing... I've always been the "token fat girl". I actually am curious to see what it's like when I no longer fit that role.
I am still struggling with icing up the diet food. Most of the time I am fine, but everyone now and then, I will find myself buying the low fat versions. It is an area I need to reprogram my brain.
ugh I am always saying well I can eat that because I only eat a cup.. and friends don't generally like when you become the non fat friend..
Well said, Angie. As you can see everyone agrees with you. Watching that diet sucks and eating 'diet' food sucks even more. Just do what you're doing, watching portion sizes and eating well. I am right with you: I'm staying where I am weight wise. I'm done with losing I think. xx
It is good to hear you so comfortable with your progress. Sometimes we can lose site of the big picture - but you really seem to be in a great place right now!
I have always talked about food, weight, diets, WW - all that shit. For as long as I can remember. I still find myself talking about weight, but I am actually eating like an adult and not really counting things. I know what is generally healthy and I also believe that if you are going to have a treat - get the real thing - don't substitute. Eating four skinny cows is not the answer!
As far as being the "fat-friend" - well I am still the "fat-friend" so I can't really say. Although I will say that my friends have never really questioned my food choices - maybe because they don't have major weight issues and don't want to hurt my feelings - or maybe they are just really great friends!! <3
I have one friend in particular that I know will have issues when I start to lose a lot of weight. She will likely cope with it by crash dieting to make sure she is skinnier than I am. Unfortunately I think that is something that comes with the territory.
I really like reading your blog! I'm a newbie, check mine out!
Very good post. A lot of though. I have experienced this. I am not "skinny" yet but people do act surprised when I don't eat "diet food".
I can't wait to not be the "fat" friend... but to not be there and have people lingering on that label for you... awful! You are truly inspirational! And you look amazing! I am a new follower... so I can't wait to catch up on your journey! *Maria*-from "This one time at Band Camp..." Check out my blog at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com
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