The Fear of Being Thin
We all started our various journey's because we wanted to lose weight. We all had a goal we were striving for, and although we might call it by different names or being seeking it on different levels, the goal, for me at least, is thin. So why, if it's everything I thought I wanted, is it so damn scary as I approach it?
When we're bigger we can blame everything that isn't going our way on the fat. I can't ski because I'm fat. I can't find a boyfriend cause I'm fat. I can't find a job because I'm fat. So what happens when you're suddenly not fat any longer and all those things are still wrong? Losing weight can't fix everything - when you're thin, chances are you might still be a shitty skier, you might have more boys flirt with you but that doesn't mean relationships will be easy. Your career probably won't suddenly change. I don't want to discount what a profound change losing weight has on our confidence, which can change these things.
But losing fat? It doesn't change who we are. Instead of blaming our weights for holding us back and for all the things wrong in our lives, we need to realize a lot of what is holding us back is fear. Somewhere, on some level of consciousness, we realize that it's not the fat that makes all those things bad in our lives, it's just us. When we realize we can't blame the fat anymore, and start fixing the things we want to fix - independent of the fat issue - then we'll finally be allowed to let thin be what it really is. Just thin.
This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
Mini-Goals and Statistics
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
100 lbs down!!
10 comments:
I was JUST reading an article about this in O magazine on the plane last night. I'll try to post the article tonight when I get home. It was really interesting.
wow I can relate to that in some ways.
Great post, Angie! You are completely correct on this. In my mind being fat holds me back from a lot of things that it necessarily should. I do believe that your self confidence increases as you lose, but it def won't fix everything - we need to change our mindset... Thanks <3
so true!
Amen, Sister!
Awesome post!! I have been trying to analyze my fear of goal today so this really hit home.
Angie you are so insightful! And this is so correct! XO MUAH
You are totally right, this is so scary to me. EVERYTHING that goes wrong is somehow related to my weight, it has been a great crutch for which I have used to protect myself. I am still not sure what I am going to do when its not there, its really hard to take responsibility for your actions and change the ACTUAL problem. It will/ is very difficult when I realize I don't like something about me and planning a new diet just isn't going to fix/ change my problem.
-great post!
Everything you said, times 10!
It is so good to read though that other ppl are feeling this way, too. I think my fear of "life" started early and then compounded with shame it was a pretty toxic combination.
I blamed EVERYTHING on my fatness and sometimes, unfortunately yes, my fatness contributed.
But the underlying reason was always me and the games I played or the coping strategies I adopted just to get by....
Oh Angie, you are so wise beyond your years.... Luvs ya! B
Great post. Ditto everything you said.
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