Halfway there...

Having come this far is really amazing. I can't believe that I'm down 50lbs so fast, and what is really significant to me right now is 50lbs is my halfway point. Like many people have blogged about - Amy most recently, my goal weight is kind of arbitrary. I can't imagine weighing 145lbs like the bmi chart says would be my absolute heaviest. Maybe it's because I've always been a big girl, but I can't imagine being the teensy kind. The healthy, curvy, strong, kind, sure. But not tiny. So right now I say it's anywhere from 165-180... It's really going to be about what feels right, what looks good, what gets me into the clothes I want etc. I have a strong feeling I'll get to somewhere like 180 and be stoked enough to enjoy that for a while, and then maybe make another push for the rest. But hold up. Why am I not enjoying the goal I just reached, why am I just focusing on the next step!?

Because I suck so bad at stopping to enjoy my accomplishment rather than rushing on to the next one, I think I'm going to try to list what feels different. How 220 vs 270 (ahhh!) felt.

I don't get tired standing around a lot
I don't feel like I'm overflowing in my own skin
My clothes never hurt me - in fact most of them are too big, especially the bottoms
I know that if I need something clothing wise, I'll be able to find it - i.e. black trousers for work.
I can start to see my collarbones and can appreciate elements of my body other than just my boobs
I feel confident enough to flirt more with boys
I don't worry about what to order at restaurants in front of people anymore - I'm more worried about what's gonna keep me from getting stuck.
I don't get super mad on "red flag" days at work where we have to park at the bottom of the hill at work and walk up so guests can use the parking lots. Unless it's raining. Then I still hate them.

My problem right now is figuring out... When I'll stop feeling like a fat girl. I'm sure it'll be a while yet, because although I'm undoubtedly a prettier sassier more confident version of fat girl Angie, I still am. And to me, it's hard to celebrate when I'm still fat. Which sucks. I know. I have issues ladies. But I just wonder at what weight I'll feel like guys look at me the same as they do my thinner friends. When it'll stop being a calculation in my mind, if not theirs.

xox
Ange

1 comments:

Amy said...

Have mercy! I think we are all wondering this! I hope that we are still blogging when the time comes that this happens...I kinda think though that even if we get "skinny", it will take a long while for us to feel it.

hahaha...Unless it's raining. Then I still hate them :) Thats a good one!

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!
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Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
100 lbs down!!

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