So Hard...

And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard.

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

I'm really struggling this week. I am due to get my period this weekend, but I'm on the pill, so I don't think I can really blame this all on PMS. I just am having the hardest time with everything. I don't get it. I don't know what my block is. I don't know why I don't want to make the right choices, I don't know why I don't want this bad enough. I hate to be such a debbie downer, but I just wanted to share. Sometimes I feel like I only blog when I'm doing well and... Maybe someone else is having a hard time and can relate. I gained this week. I have been fighting to get below 230 since April twenty-somethingth. I can't do it. I don't know why, but I can't.... I can't see how to change how I feel and how to feel stronger.

Wow. I think I need to just go cry in the shower and get my shit together cause I'm going to a concert tonight and would like to appear relatively normal.



Amy said...

I am sorry you feel like shit lovely girl! We all go through this (aka as when Amy had a meltdown over flowers). Are you still posting what you are eating on the other blog? I haven't looked. I will check it out in a second. What are you eating and drinking? Email me or post it here. Also, if your mini goal is to get below 230 by June 21st, you can do it! Let me analyze what you are doing (Like i know my ass from a hole in the ground). Are you drinking alcohol? If so...stop for a few weeks. Just dont do it.

Things will happen. You do want it bad enough.

we love you!

Tiffani said...

Awww, honey, YOU'VE GOT THIS!!! You can do it. I think if you step back and look at things and realize how far you've come you'll realize you can finish what you started and you will be SO PROUD!!

Linda O said...

I haven't been banded yet. But I talked to a lady today who had RNY because she said she knew if she got banded that she would "eat around" the band. So if that is true, that we can eat around the band, it must be tempting to do so. But stop and think about the fact that you went through WLS which is very drastic and major surgery, and because you did that, you must do everything in you power to make it work. Don't sabatoge (spelling) yourself. Make it work! Good luck, we are pulling for you!

This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!

Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
100 lbs down!!

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