Now that I have decided that I'm going to be banded, it feels like such a waiting game.  I start my pre-op diet of "Medi-Fast" on the 18th of February... Which is conveniently the day after my roommate and close friend Ash's Birthday.  We're going out the night before for dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse... A place that a banded person would face major challenges at, haha, so it's definitely a suitable last supper.  We will be going out partying the Friday night of that week, which might be a bit difficult... I'm in the process of telling Ashley, so she'll understand if I'm not drinking, but it might be tough to explain to a whole crowd... I'll do my best to stay as strong as I can, and if it means ordering a tonic water and sipping on that pretending there's vodka inside, so be it.

The past few days, my eating has been really out of whack.  I'm bingeing for no good reason at all, like I've had McDonalds two days in a row.  Yuck.  I think there's a part of me that is doing it just to be rebellious... And that knows that come March 4th, these kinds of binges would not be possible.  I hope it's just me getting it out of my system... I am so ready to stop it, I don't know why I don't just get a head start and start being healthier now.  Bah!

One person who is just as excited as me is my mom.  I know she's trying to keep her distance and let me "own" it... But I can tell she's really hoping, as I am, that this will be it.  This will be the turning point in my life, this will be the catalyst for so much change.  I know losing weight won't change who I am.  But the fact is... Other than my weight I think I do, generally speaking, like who I am.  There are some things about me I wish were different... But nothing major other than my size.  So I don't think losing weight is gonna magically make me happy... I am already happy, it'll just make me thinner.

I had been spending a ton of time on my clinic's website and their forum, but have recently also started surfing and posting on LapBandTalk.  I had actually registered on there years ago, but am finally taking this step of getting banded, and have started posting.  There are SO many people on there, and there's a whole board devoted to "bandsters" in every age range.  I am loving reading other people in their 20s talk about the band, how their journey has gone, what goals they have... I don't feel so shallow anymore knowing they all are also excited to get to shop anywhere they want and show up guys who didn't want them in the past because of their weight.  I feel a real sense of community with them.

Anyways, once again I've written a novel.  Getting together with my friend/cousin Carrie tonight for dinner... Haven't told her yet, and don't know if I'm ready to.  Then I just wanna take a night in to chill... Hopefully she wants to stay in with me, though I have a feeling she'll be going out drinking.  I hope that after the surgery my confidence and energy levels go up so that going out to the bar is just more appealing to me.  I don't really care for drinking, but I feel like such an old lady, when all my friends like to go out and I prefer just going for coffee, chatting, or seeing a movie.

Anyways, my hair is wet and it's freezing outside, I should get to blow-drying.

love hearts and diamonds.


This is me now... at 160!

This is me now... at 160!
with my bestest friend!

Mini-Goals and Statistics

A Quick Reference - 111lbs down
Height: 5'8
Highest Weight; January 2009: 270
Surgery Weigh; March 4th: 255
Tummy Tuck December 15, 2010!
Current Weight: 150s
Current BMI: healthy!

Mini Goal 1: 240 - re-reached April 29th - 15lbs/9 weeks.
Mini Goal 2: 230 - reached June 12th. - 10lbs/6 weeks.
Mini Goal 3: 220 - reached July 18th. - 10lbs/5 weeks.
Mini Goal 4: 210 - reached September 2nd. 10lbs/7 weeks.
Mini Goal 5: 199 - reached October 19, 10lbs/11 weeks
Mini Goal 6: 189 - reached December 18, 10lbs/9 weeks
Mini Goal 7: 179 - reached February 23, 10lbs/9.5weeks
Mini Goal 8: 169 - reached March 26, 10lbs/4.5weeks
100 lbs down!!

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